Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   My advice to Charlie Brown or any kid who wants more friends; don't tell people your dog is a WWI flying ace

   Remember when we were kids and we were in such a rush to grow up and become adults? Boy, was that stupid.

   I can tell when someone is lying just by the simple fact that they begin asking a question by saying "Quick question".

   You'll never meet anyone who's quietly in training for a charity run

   With Daylight Savings in effect but on a leap year, isn't this only Sunday? #ThingsMyCoffeeMakerTalksToMeAbout

   may reflect economic consequences in relation to constraints placed upon us..! (",)

   When you stop looking thru the distorted mirror held up for you in this world- it provides a measure of clarity which is refreshing! But the downside is you actually see how; distasteful, counterfeit, society is currently... objectively determined values

   ..is (-_(-_(-_(*-_-)_-)_-) (>^_^)>...All eyes on you! (",)

   Desperate Housewives is on my TV.... I am DESPERATE trying to find the remote to turn this crap off!!

   I don't play "Hard To Get" , I play "Never Going To Happen"

   Get 10 Parmesan Bread Bites for a buck when you order 2 pizzas for 5.99...we can do this cause our pizza's $uck.

   My homework brings all the Asians to the yard, And they're like "It wasn't that hard."

   Sasha Gray,Bree Olsen,Lisa Ann,Lela Star,Mone Devine,Jasmine Byrne,Liz Vicious,Jade Marcella,Lavish Styles,Sky Lopez and Little Lupe......If all those names sound familiar to you I have news for you.

   I bet the "most beautiful teen contest" is ran by some 40 year old perv in the back of a rape van.

   I saw a homeless guy in a dumpster today. Why would anyone throw away a perfectly good person?

   My cat got a "YOL9x" tattoo across it's stomach.

   Insomnia is nature's way of saying you're not done bugging people for the day.

   Look at the risks men take when they meet a woman, if they are lucky...they get screwed otherwise they get screwed for life;)

   When I have to put on one of those thick leather weightlifter belts to take a crap, I know it's time to eat some vegetables.!

   You sit quietly under a needle for hours getting a tattoo but if I touch you with my ice cold feet you let out a bloodcurdling scream.