Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Trying to decide if its flour or the beginnings of mold on my bread....oh well...nom nom nom

   people from india shouldnt be selling hamburgers. I guess cows arent as sacred as the benjamins

   a unibrow is just a mustache for your eyes

   unibrows...look like birds in flight when in a 'Surprised' mode

   Hornrimmed glasses are back..and uglier than ever

   Ladies paying thousands for chemical peels...I will splash battery acid on your face for only $500. Look for me on craigslist. Dr. Duracell

   We have come so far. Computers, Moon landing, Mars rover, Hubble telescope taking pictures of thing light years away...and yet we still need a sign telling employees to wash their hands.

   I can't get the Bananas in Pajamas song out of my head, so I'm cursing you all with it

   I carried a really cool hat to school that I rubbed on a licey homeless guy. The school bully just stole it..... :D

   I cut my foot and its turning black now, thanks to Mr. Deeds I know this is gonna be cool. If not, I'll go see Dr. Pepper

   i think chubby chasers are just lazy people, I mean...really, how far is this 'chase'

   running on pills and luck

   looks like I'm having pie all day....Thanks to 3-14 or 3.14

   rode into town on my horse. not worth it, I had to pick up his poo with a snow shovel and a hefty bag.

   signed up for the wrong college courses... apparently I'm a rhinocologist..

   toooo many Debbie Downers on facebook...wah, my life sucks, wah, my husband died ,wah, I burned dinner...

   I use sarcasm because beating the crap out of people is in fact frowned upon in most societies

   Happy "Steak and BJ Day". I'll take both well done.

   Gettin really tired of you emotional women on facebook. Stick some cotton in your crotch, eat a tub of ice cream, curl up to your body pillow, STFU and go to sleep

   Search engine guide: BING = "But It's Not Google!" , YAHOO = "You Always Have Other Option" , GOOGLE = "Great Omnipotent Optimal Guide to Lots of Everything".