Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   those who want their child's birthday to fall on 12-12-12 this is the last week to make your efforts.

   Thinking about taking a Carnival Cruise, but I can't decide which excursion to go on....... the one where the ship rolls over and you drown, and one where you get towed thru pirate infested waters, or the one where you get the bird flu. Fun, fun, fun

   I can see it now... New season of Teen Mom special edition featuring snooki

   Snooki pregnant? The world rejoices! Except for the 73 men who are doing some hardcore math.

   You never realize what you have until it's gone...toilet paper is a prime example!

   Religion and morality don't need each other to exist.

   Some of these girls posting "I'm ugly", "fml", "hmu" should just change their status to, “demands attention”. #GEToverYOURSELF

   Good news! Now that Snooki is knocked up, we'll all get to see what a pregnant meatball looks like.

   I just saw what looked like a menstruating raccoon "Planking" while a crow scratched her back,,,, How cute!! I should take a picture..

   My wife dropped her purse and now my balls hurt.

   Men and women are obviously different. Men have trouble expressing their needs. On the other hand, women will express their needs, every fricking need for every fricking minute for every fricking day!

   money is not the root of all evil. The LOVE OF MONEY is the root of all evil. Big difference.

   I guess that extra day of black history month was to much for some monkees

   Note to self- Sneezing with diarrhea,not good.......not good at all

   Heard Snooki's supposedly pregnant. Guess we'll know for sure when her vodka breaks.

   I am the world's foremost authority on my own opinions.

   Money is not the root of all evil. It is the root of all KINDS of evil.

   February was $5 footlong month and black history month. Who is the evil genius behind that?

   Proving other people wrong with your success is pretty selfish. Proving everyone else right by failing miserably shows you've got class

   Her: Changed Relationship status to Single.......Him:"LIKE".......Her: Keep dreaming buddy!!