Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I wonder if Santa Clause is going to have to wear a mask this year....

   Me 9am, "I think I'll make roasted chicken and mashed potatoes for dinner."... Me 5pm, "Hi, I'd like to order a large pepperoni pizza for delivery..."

   Now that the President is wearing masks, the Left is now concerned about how effective they are.

   Acknowledge many, trust few, but always paddle your own Canoe

   I watched about five minutes of Abraham Lincoln Vampire Hunter on Netflix. That may be the worst thing that has happened to Abraham Lincoln in a theater

   Ironically "Chumbawamba" totally got knocked down and never got up again

   Remember when double entry was an accounting term?

   Has anyone tried lighting a fall scented candle to fix 2020 yet?

   There are two kinds of people. The ones that pack six days before a trip, and the ones that wake up day-of and realize they need to do a load of laundry. And they marry each other.

   Me: Damn. Another gray hair. *plucks it* Old man standing next to me: Ouch!

   The Washington Redskins are dropping the name "Redskins" for cultural correctness, which is fantastic. But, to prevent other global embarrassments, I would drop the "Washington " as well

   I pretty much doubt hillbillies have big back accounts. Big moonshine bottles, yes, but not big bank accounts.

   I use to think that wearing masks was so ridiculous and lame. Now that I've seen him wear one, I love masks and I can get enough of them.

   I know how can cure the Coronavirus. Stop socializing! And you could give me the Nobel Peace Prize later thank you.

   The Ieft has big vocabularies; the right has big bank accounts. Guess which one pays the bills at the end of the month?

   Mexico is reconsidering building the wall for the sole purpose of keeping out New Yorkers.

   The problem with this country is that too many people say they want Justice when they really want Revenge.

   The weather is 88 and hazy .. kind of like Joe Biden

   No one ever boycotted my beans! - George W. Büsh

   Ask Alexa "Do (state a color or race) lives matter?" and listen to the different responses...