Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   69… you get what you give!

   It's hard to get the first kiss right. You want to be firm, but gentle; you want to be manly, but you don't want to wake her up.

   3-pack condoms are ideal for married couples: Birthday, Christmas, and Valentine's Day.

   If you're using public transport never give up your seat to an old lady... That's how I lost my job as a bus driver.

   That uneasy moment the scales start singing Lionel Richie "Three Times A Lady" when she gets on.

   Love is like a fart. If you have to force it, it's probably sh!t.

   I got my son a stripper for his birthday. My wife wasn't impressed, but it's not every day he turns 4.

   I saw a poor old lady fall unconscious in the snow today. Well I'm assuming she was poor, she only had $12 in her purse.

   Ah Friday...my second favorite "F" word!

   May you have a better Good Friday than Jesus had...

   All I'm saying is if steroids are illegal for athletes, then Photoshop should be illegal for all of these Twitter & Facebook ho's.

   Thank you Jesus for dying today... Made my commute to work so much easier

   Follow your heart ...but take your brain with you

   Its better to be a good person then to have a good body.

   Here's To The Kids Who are losing their will to keep fighting. Stay Strong.

   It's not too late... we have the rest of our lives.

   When I was a kid, I used to sing, 'A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K, ELEMENO, P'

   realized that I'm getting old. 20 years ago all of my friends were on drugs. Now they're all on medication...

   I use music to escape from reality.

   Here's some advice. Stay Alive."