Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   SO homosexuailty is UNNATURAL , like cutting your grass ? like 90% of the food we eat ??Air conditioning ?? Live your own life ..leave everyone else alone !!!

   FB a place where you can quote anyone at anytime without any reprecussions at all !!! Abraham Lincoln

   What's white and would kill you if it fell out of a tree? A refrigerator.

   Roses are red, Violets are blue. I have a gun. Get in the van.

   Q: What is red and smells like blue paint? A: Red paint.

   An Irishman walks out of a bar. ...

   Like if you remember ... TONIGHT let it be Lowenbrau !!

   Facebook...Where people present themselves as up and coming stars, yet no one, including 99% of the people on their friends list ever heard of them.

   I remember whe a bathroom mirror was for brushing your teeth and picking zits , now it's for "duck" shots !!! Technology is awesome !!!

   I just scrolled so far back on Facebook's Timeline... I wound up back over on MySpace. :(

   Why did the boy drop his ice cream? Because he was hit by a bus.

   What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? The Holocaust.

   My favorite post of yours is........ the one I hitch you to at night.

   Darth Vader's #1 song on hid iPod ... every breath you take ...

   Here is my new idea. In the express lane, once the cashier rings up 1 item too many, 50 pounds of pig sh!t falls on the customer.

   Darth Vader had a hell of a case of emphysema.

   Wife : Does these jeans make me look fat ?? Me : Nope ... your FAT makes you look fat !!

   I hate it when I hold back on saying something during a conversation because I know it will offend people, and then I see the look on everyone's face and realize I've already said it.

   Used the men's room at Taco Bell earlier and I'm pretty sure the guy in the stall was giving birth to a Buick.

   What's the hardest thing about eating a vegetable ?? Gettin' her out of the wheelchair!!!