Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 367 of 6383
I made a Bacon, Lettuce & Tomato sandwich for breakfast. I left off the lettuce, tomato, mayonnaise and bread.
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08-10-2020 08:22
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I do less before 9AM than most people don't do all day.
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08-10-2020 08:12
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Ultimate dad move: Tattoo a saddle on their leg.
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08-09-2020 11:31
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I don't usually play these games, but I'm bored. Fill in the blanks.
Banks account #:
Routing #:
Name on debit card:
Pin number #:
CCV #:
Expiration date:
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08-09-2020 00:14
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Jessie is a friend. He has a pet squirrel that brings him tacos. You know, I wish I had Jessie's squirrel.
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08-08-2020 23:32
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Name something you would say to a friend in 2020 who would think you were completely crazy if you said it to them in 2019
Copy and paste to see what your friend's say.
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08-08-2020 13:15
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The press can try to shove all that bIack BS down our throats all they want, but we're not swallowing any of it.
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08-07-2020 19:45
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I'm like Crisco in a can. White, round and filled with fat.
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08-07-2020 15:55 by Fazzy
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I deactivated my automatic spell checker on Facebook. Who I really didn't know in real life anyways.
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08-07-2020 15:42 by moon
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My Alexis doesn't always answer me when I ask you a question, and now I know why it talks like a woman.
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08-07-2020 15:39 by moon
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ate a tomato sandwich on the porch and watched some kids kick a can, if anyone wants anything from 1935
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08-07-2020 14:10
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Thighland a country or an awesome strip joint?
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08-07-2020 14:02
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If you are ugly with pretty eyes, this is your moment.
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08-07-2020 13:03
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I don’t know who needs to hear this, but raccoons are terrible in bed.
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08-07-2020 09:42
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Why are we all Facebook friends with an English teacher we had in high school
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08-07-2020 09:15
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The CDC website had a recipe for a quarantine cocktail made with vodka. It doesn’t taste very good but it sure gets your hands clean.
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08-07-2020 09:13
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Unemployment Offices just emailed me to be a truck driver. I can’t drive a vehicle let alone a transformer
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08-07-2020 09:12
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It’s really not about the dry cleaning bill. I’m just upset that your dog never called my leg afterward.
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08-07-2020 09:12
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I think COVID-19 is just a ploy by Netflix to get people to stay in and actually watch Adam Sandler movies.
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08-07-2020 09:11
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what happens in quarantine stays in quarantine
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08-07-2020 09:11
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