Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 362 of 6383
Nurse: strip down to your underpants Me: ok *removes pants to reveal second pair of pants*
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08-27-2020 09:02
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I’m sorry you didn’t find out that the Applebee’s gift card I gave you for your birthday doesn’t work until after you ate. I found out the hard way too.
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08-27-2020 09:02
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Anyone interested in a 4 year old whose new hobby is wall art? Porch pickup only.
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08-27-2020 09:01
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My husband tried to embarrass me in front of his friends by saying I wasn’t any good in bed. He was shocked when his friends disagreed.
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08-27-2020 09:00
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My entire work day has just been me moving the mouse so the screen doesn’t go to sleep.
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08-27-2020 08:59
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NBA players support China despite violating the human rights of its citizens but protests when a thug gets what he deserves...
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08-27-2020 08:58
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My mouth was numbed and I licked all over my orthodontist’s finger thinking it was my gums so now I can never go back and will have braces forever
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08-27-2020 08:58
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Gonna create a dating app for dentists called Cavity Search
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08-27-2020 08:57
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As we grow older, gravity becomes more and more evident. Things begin sagging, drooping and bouncing. It's still better than the alternative. No, I don't mean death. I mean f@t going up.
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08-27-2020 08:31 by Fazzy
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Attention! Due to the extremity of Hurricane Laura's sustained winds, the States of Texas and Louisiana have just issued a toupee' alert.
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08-26-2020 23:04 by Fazzy
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Maybe the1 million dollars in gofundme for Jacob Blake should be given to the 14 year old girl he raped instead.
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08-26-2020 18:39
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Stay tuned for Cardi B's next big hit: "MIPWYTTSI"... (My Itchy Pu$$y Wants Your Tongue To Scratch It.)
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08-26-2020 15:00
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How come when I was a kid and lost a tooth it was all “Look at you, big guy!,” but now it’s just “Bro, you really gotta reconsider your life choices.”
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08-26-2020 10:19
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What if nobody was president and we all promised real hard to just be cool
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08-25-2020 17:58
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The Dems want everyone to vote by mail but Pelosi just called Congress back to DC so they could vote...
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08-25-2020 09:44
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I've been all across this nation Traveled by train, plane, bus and car And I've never met one person that makes zzz sounds when they sleep
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08-25-2020 09:01
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I saved a ton money on a security system by hanging a picture of my paycheck on the front door.
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08-25-2020 08:37
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I started wearing a mask before everyone started doing it, but then again I've always been a trendsetter like that.
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08-24-2020 22:48
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2020 love life: The washing machine has seen me naked more often than anyone else.
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08-24-2020 15:14
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Looking for a new spicy potato chip? -Hot Pringles in your area
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08-24-2020 15:13
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