Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Before you judge me, know that I don't give a crap. Ok, go ahead.

   I'm "single and ready to mingle" because it sounds less desperate than "alone and ready to bone"

   Call me lazy, but if it takes two clicks I'm not reading it.

   "Half a dozen" -Because "six" is way too long.

   How the hell do you look important walking around a clipboard factory?

   No one's lazier than the guy who came up with the name for Juicy Juice.

   Gynecologists looking for a cool nickname, please remember Rug Doctor is a registered trademark.

   HOODTRANSLATIONS: "Bruh I got da whip"= My mother was kind enough to let me use the car Today.....

   #HOODTRANSLATIONS: "take one for the team bruh" = while I'm with this attractive female, please occupy her friend who is strong in the face.

   HOODTRANSLATIONS: "Where the hoez at?" = We wish to know the whereabouts about those with no morals to perform in rather raunchy activities

   Find what you love and let it kill you.

   HOODTRANSLATIONS Sh*t just got real = The situation has escalated to the highest point of seriousness & this is no more a laughing matter.

   A day without love, sex or booze is just another day closer to death.

   A naughty thought is a terrible thing to waste…

   Fellaz: Be the man you pretend to be when you're trying to get pu$$y.

   While you were busy judging others you left your closet open and your skeletons fell out.

   Ebonics 101:"Free my Ni**A"= although he did commit a crime that is against the law ..release him from jail because he is my friend

   Bite marks, hickies, and scratches are love notes written in flesh.

   Ebonics 101:where dey do dat at?= what type of establishment allows behavior of that sort?

   Life should be this simple: do whatever makes you happy until you die.