Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Search Messages:
Remember: One man's trash is another man's girlfriend. 
I'm sick and tired of Pinterest invading Facebook! you need to stay on your side of the fence, we didn't invite you in our yard! Don't make me turn this into the Hatfield & McCoys!
Kanye West should be coming out with ''Gold Digger'' part 2 anytime now...
Remember guys, while your checking some other girl out, someone else is checking out your girl. Appreciate what you have, or someone else will.
PRIVACY NOTICE: Warning - any person and/or institution and/or Agent .... oh hell... If I really gave a sh#t, I/you would not even be on Facebook.
If you really cared you wouldn't ignore my text, neglect my feelings and forget my existence.
Great.! finally a online dating site that meets my needs imtobusy.com
WARNING: Unhealthy relationships may cause headaches, stress & a waste of your time. The cure for this is to be single.
They say money doesn't buy happiness, so I'm willing to go out of my comfort zone and test out that theory for $100,000,000. I promise to document any frowning while paragliding, jet skiing, driving a Lambo or flying in my G5
The major cause of auto wrecks is a screw loose in the nut behind the wheel.
Baracknophobia: A fear of four more years.
The days when men knew how to treat women were the days when women knew their place.
If we learn by our mistakes then I am getting a fantastic education.
I could really use one of those Chris Farley,, 'down by the river',, speeches right about now...
Hey, dude who's still lighting fireworks at midnight, nobody would notice a couple of gunshots right now.
"May your beer always be dry and your women always moist."
Keep your friends close, your enemies closer, aliens not so close, ghosts close, snakes far away, skeletons close, Spiders far away,,, And everything else just in a big pile
I would love to speak a foreign language but I can't. So I grew hair under my arms instead.
I date waitresses so I can ask them if everything is ok when their mouth is full.
The definition of attention seeking.. Updating your Facebook status in capital letters! 