Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I just spent an hour chasing a rabbit trying to take a picture of it. What has instagram done to me?.

   The box for my new digital camera says the shutter speed is so fast you can photograph a hummingbird's wings, or a woman with her mouth shut.

   it offensive to bring your own chair to someone's apartment?

   To save time on playing board games in my family, dad would take the game out of the box and go directly to the throwing it at the wall part

   Reviews are in for Windows 8, looks like it's going to be the best Facebook access device yet.

   :If you need to check our astrology signs to see if we are compatible... we are not.

   Ladies marry the guy who comes to drop you all the way to your house in his PETROL car with the AC on

   Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, you have big titties and a BIG booty! #Distractions

   T's Lounge in West Palm Beach, Florida welcomes Octomom, Nadya Suleman July 11th thru 15th for her topless strip show. - from "Us Weekly". Write your own jokes, I'm just warning those of you in Florida about this.

   Remember: One man's trash is another man's girlfriend.

   I'm sick and tired of Pinterest invading Facebook! you need to stay on your side of the fence, we didn't invite you in  our  yard!  Don't make me turn this into the Hatfield & McCoys!

   Kanye West should be coming out with ''Gold Digger'' part 2 anytime now...

   Remember guys, while your checking some other girl out, someone else is checking out your girl. Appreciate what you have, or someone else will.

   PRIVACY NOTICE: Warning - any person and/or institution and/or Agent .... oh hell... If I really gave a sh#t, I/you would not even be on Facebook.

   If you really cared you wouldn't ignore my text, neglect my feelings and forget my existence.

   Great.! finally a online dating site that meets my needs imtobusy.com

   WARNING: Unhealthy relationships may cause headaches, stress & a waste of your time. The cure for this is to be single.

   They say money doesn't buy happiness, so I'm willing to go out of my comfort zone and test out that theory for $100,000,000. I promise to document any frowning while paragliding, jet skiing, driving a Lambo or flying in my G5

   The major cause of auto wrecks is a screw loose in the nut behind the wheel.

   Baracknophobia: A fear of four more years.