Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I thinkin,,, People in rubber houses shouldn't throw stones either

   Ummm uh-oh,,,, My car's GPS asked me,,, "Who's Siri?"

   I think I'm just too intelligent for sanity

   Nothing screams "I have a small peni$!" like screaming "I have a small peni$!"

   Boobs= not much ass, Ass= no boobs, Ass and Boobs= ugly face, Ass, boobs and nice face= Slut. You can never win

   If a woman tells you size doesn't matter, she's a liar and you have a small pen!s.

   Sorry, I was not paying attention. I was thinking about having sex with you.

   If the Terminator was female the line would have been, “I might be back, I haven't decided yet.”

   I'll try and not get stopped at the Airport this year with a Batman Knuckle Duster in the case.

   If you can't spell "their/there/they're" then your parents need to go back to your high school and demand a refund.

   Ever have one of those nights where you drink to much and end up dreaming you are standing at the toilet taking a leak only wake to find you are wet and not at the toilet.....No?.... Me either

   Be careful about making too many plans; that's were “premeditated” comes from.

   How quick she mentions her husband/fiancé/boyfriend is directly related to how creeped out she is by you.

   I think before we vote, we should get the politicians drunk. That way they would speak what's REALLY on their minds.

   Sometimes we realize things to late. When you have a baby you realize you shouldn't have raw dogged it. When you lose that special someone you realize what went wrong. After last night I realized I'm never drinking again

   You may have over 300 friends but in true life when you're older you can count the amount of friends you have on one hand.

   The best nights ever begin with the question "Are we going to get in trouble for this?"

   You're thin, entertaining, I love staying up all night with you and falling asleep by your side. I love you laptop.

   If a Rabbit Foot is considered good luck, then a Camel Toe should be considered amazing luck!

   It's Siri's time off the month again....she's acting mad and wont answer anything