Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Right all wrongs. Settle everything with love and understanding.

   I'm actually a really good driver, when Facebook is down.

   You sent me a picture of your pen!s, so I sent one back and I'm the a$$hole?! I thought you wanted to exchange pictures...

   Never give up on something you really want. It's difficult to wait, but more difficult to regret.

   Remember If you don`t stand for something, you`ll fall for anything!

   I just read that 44% of high school and college students won't be able to find a summer job due to the economy! Add in the military coming home looking for jobs,and I have no idea what Obama is thinking!

   Anyone who says single moms don't do both roles of a mother & father when the father doesn't spend time or money with his children is THE DEAD BEAT we are referring to!!

   I love doggie style as much as the next guy, but sometimes she's just too pretty to do from behind.

   hey single moms go have your own day someplace else, this is our day so make me a sammich with BACON and stfu

   Single mothers had mothers day, they dont do the role of a dad so grow up

   Just sent out 200 text messages to random phone numbers saying "Happy Father's Day! I'm pregnant!" Now listening to the police scanner for my daily entertainment.

   Happy Father's Day to all the single mothers who do both roles due to dead beat dads.

   Today you should prank call your single guy friends using google voice to change the number and tell them you are calling from the Maury Povich show.

   I wonder what Susan Boyle got for Fathers Day.,

   I see your re-p0st and raise you a hand jerking off motion.

   The lack of Fathers Day cards is making me think I should have skeeted in her mouth instead.

   They say to stay away from a girl who is a succubus.... not me, I just changed my name to Bus.

   Your plethora of knowledge on Pakastani Volcanoes creates a plethora of barf that I'd like to extend to you as my way of saying I hate you.

   I could have sworn I heard a chorus of a thousand tiny voices rising up from the shower drain to wish me a Happy Fathers Day.

   I like to lay there after sex, stroking her hair and whispering things like "whhhy are youuuu still hereeee?"