Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   You lost me at I had a yeast infection last week. Then I thought well she could make me a sandwhich

   You had me at "Restraining Order."

   It's not my fault you didn't read my warning label.

   HER: My dad thinks you're rude and inappropriate for me. ME: Screw your dad, there's people on Facebook who think I'm funny.

   France shouldchange the color of it's flag to match it's football/soccer team.....all-white

   Full Disclosure: I stole all these words from the dictionary

   "Don't stop bereaving."..............Karaoke singer at a Japanese funeral..

   Siri's on her period. she needs an iPad

   Maybe Sandusky should've faked his death like Joe Pa to get out of trouble

   Jerry Sandusky will go from this (__*__) to this (__0__) very very soon!

   Am I the only mother***king one who doesn't understand a f***king word that Katt Williams motherf***king says?

   Jerry Sandusky is about to go from tight end to wide receiver.

   thumbs up if you drive til the gas light come on

   May be we all should start a #RIPCharlieSheen trend. He'd be so drunk, It'll take him a while to realise he is not dead.

   Gas is dropping...we must have secured an oil rig in the middle east...

   Shut up, you'll never be the man your mother is!!

   You know who was hurt the most in this whole ordeal by name association alone... the residents of Sandusky, Ohio... And the American workers at Callahan Auto... they make the best parts money can buy...

   I bet dogs are saying "Where is our damn Abraham Lincoln? We are tired of these humans thinking they own us."

   I find it hilarious that only one company makes the game monopoly

   I wonder if everyone who pays 2 dollars to buy a bottle of Evian realize that backwards it spells naive