Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   What I lack in imagination,,, I make up.

   My exercise program consists of having a lot of stairs in my home,, and forgetting things.

   Well I guess it's ,,,," No more Mr. Nice-Guy "...... ~ Mr Nice Guy's eulogy

   My Political-Plumber friend says it's --- Lefty liberal, Righty up-tighty

   Women are just like cartons of Orange Juice! It's not the size or shape that matters. Or even how sweet the juice is. It's getting those Fking flaps open!!!

   For the first time ever Women's IQ test scores are higher than Men's!......But to keep it fair they didn't include the ''Blondes'' scores!!!

   Music is my Escape from all the Bullsh!t in Life!!!

   If your a$$ had a ''Like'' button, I'd hit it!!!

   My stalker has never sent me a nude pic of herself, I don't think she is taking this relationship serious.

   This has been the Hottet July in U.S. history! And not just because of ''Magic Mike'' and ''50 Shades of Grey'' temperatures have benn up also!!!

   Normal people are the crazy psychos who hide it very well!

   : Ha!! My wife thinks that she's meeting my Italian friend "Fellatio" tonight...

   :Block your husband so I know it's real.

   : The English language is being degraded by slang and this troubles me. Except the phrase, "All up in this b!tch." I think that's a keeper.

   :Dear "I just naturally don't need deodorant" People, Yes...yes you absolutely do. Sincerely, People Who Don't Smell Like Homeless Taint

   Today I walked up to 4 random couples, told the guy,"She likes it counterclockwise", winked at her then walked away. Screw happy couples.

   :Weird how an attractive face is the criteria by which one decides whether to lick the area that someone pees from.

   For the first time in History, the average Canadian is now wealthier than the average American! Don't be discouraged though, this just gives us the option to borrow money from someone else now!!!

   Dear Women, You know when you pull your bra thru your sleeve & stuff it into the couch? That's as close to us as you'll ever be. Love, Men

   69 = Do unto others as you would like them do unto you.