Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Penn State.....There's always Academics!

   There's no better feeling than proving someone wrong!

   Went for a job interview! The Boss looked over my resume' and says''For someone with absolutely no experience you sure are asking for a high salary!'' I said ''Well, Du'h...everyone knows the less you know the harder you have to work!!!''

   Before you judge me.......nmake sure you're perfect!

   Right now the United States and China are tied in total Olympic medals! Of course we trail in Gold medals because every time we win one we have to turn it over to China to pay our debt!!!

   II wish the XXX Olympics gave medals for the ''Clean and Jerk''

   My anti-social behavior reached a new high today when I was un-invited to a wedding, and it made my day.

   Being unmarried can shorten a man's life by ten years.... Yeah,, us guys tend to do better when we are properly supervised.

   I can't really tell the difference between "water polo" or "marco polo", but I know neither one is very thrilling to watch on television. :/

   heard on CNN that the blackout in India has affected nearly 700 million people...Good luck getting through to Comcast customer service today! ツ

   What a rip-off! I picked up a book called 101 Mating Positions. It turned out to be a book on chess.

   If I eat a Chick-fil-a sandwich it doesn't mean I hate gays. If I eat a Jimmy Johns sandwich it doesn't mean I support the killing of exotic animals. All it means is I really like sandwiches.

   The Obama Administration just created 100 million jobs @ Dell and Comcast by cutting power in India.

   Blackout in India would have been resolved by now but the electricians can't reach tech support.

   Tech Support in India? They cnt even fix their own Blackouts :)

   I'd rather be known for nothing than known for something ignorant.

   I woke up feeling British, melancholy & vaguely homoerotic. Turns out I left the air conditioner on Depeche Mode all night.

   The sexual tension between me and this woman is so high that she's using codes like 'can I take your order?'

   Facebook: Where you can be who you wish you were.

   Let's just say, if prematurely ejaculation was an Olympics sport, I would come first.