Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 3372 of 6446

Say Hello to my little friend (҂`_´) < ,︻╦̵̵̿╤─ ҉ ~~~ • • • \
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07-26-2012 22:15 by BEGO
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There is a button on my oven that says ‘stop time'. I am pretty sure it means ‘stop timER' but I don't push it just in case.
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07-26-2012 22:14 by BEGO
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That weird awkward run you do when a car lets you cross the street.
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07-26-2012 22:12 by BEGO
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Half of my Facebook friends are still there solely because their life is a train wreck and it's entertaining.
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07-26-2012 22:11 by BEGO
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The only thing I know about Women: They don't like being told what to do unless they're naked.
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07-26-2012 22:10 by BEGO
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Sometimes I look at my friends and think to myself, "Where did I meet these crazy people?" But then I think "What would I do without them?"
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07-26-2012 22:09 by BEGO
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When you have a baby, does a hormone in your body force you to make your baby your Facebook profile picture?
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07-26-2012 22:08 by BEGO
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I don't get married because the person I like has been already taken.
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07-26-2012 21:57
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Obama qoute 2008 ''Navy seal team Six is Cheneys private assanation team! Obama qoute 2011 ''I put together Navy seal team Six to take out Bin Laden!''
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07-26-2012 21:54
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I may have been born at night, but I wasnt born LAST night...
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07-26-2012 21:17
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Like my daddy always said, "just because it kills your liver, dont mean it aint medicine."
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07-26-2012 21:16
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I was so poor growing up, we had to use BOTH sides of the toilet paper.
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07-26-2012 20:10
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Did anyone else leave the new Dark Knight movie looking forward more to the next Anne Hathaway movie than another sub par attempt at the Dark Knight
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07-26-2012 20:07 by migasjoe
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The reason you can't go back afrer going black is because none of them have a car to take you back or a job to buy gas.
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07-26-2012 17:22 by Jack987
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O.K.,,, That's ENOUGH !,, This is the 3rd hose-fight I've broken up today,, And the 2nd one involving actual hoses......
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07-26-2012 16:08 by snotty
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I told the NCAA I was a Penn State fan and they "vacated" my last 15 birthdays which restores me to my early 20's...Anyone up for a game of beer pong tonight? ツ

I'm one of those guys who can eat whatever I want and not get pregnant.
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07-26-2012 15:55
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I don't care who you are. If you can constantly make me laugh, I'm probably gonna wanna do you.
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07-26-2012 15:53
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The instructions on the shampoo were not clear enough and now I need help removing the bottle from my ass :'(
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07-26-2012 15:51
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kristen stewart apparently cheated on robert pattinson....perhaps she needs a bit LESS "sssparkle" and bit more FIREWORKS...this one will prolly drive him right outta the closet...
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07-26-2012 15:46
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