Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon I don't do drugs. I just smoke weed.
←Rate | 07-27-2012 17:35 by StonerDudee Comments (0)  


   messageicon They should make untangling headphones an olympic sport.
←Rate | 07-27-2012 16:54 by vicky manuja Comments (0)  


   messageicon Welcome to " Its Friday, b!tch3s!" You may place your attitudes in a laid back or don't give a phock position, underwear is optional, and as always, thank you for joining us on this weekend adventure!!
←Rate | 07-27-2012 15:09 by Anonunknown Comments (0)  


   messageicon Hmmm,,, So all the instruments used to find "intelligent life" pointed "AWAY" from earth???,,,,, Yeah,, that makes sense...
←Rate | 07-27-2012 14:59 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon So, when does this adulthood thing start then?
←Rate | 07-27-2012 14:48 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Girls who are easy on the eyes are usually hard on the balls and wallet.
←Rate | 07-27-2012 14:44 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Every Bond movie is like a porno that never happens.
←Rate | 07-27-2012 14:42 by bfinest Comments (0)  


   messageicon At what point during a one-night stand can you invite him to meet your parents?
←Rate | 07-27-2012 14:35 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Just once I'd like to break out in song and not be "removed from the premises" and "warned for the last time".
←Rate | 07-27-2012 14:32 Comments (0)  


   messageicon You call them “cuss words.” I choose to call them “sentence enhancers.”
←Rate | 07-27-2012 14:22 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon When you're an Olympic-size slut, every day is an opening ceremony.
←Rate | 07-27-2012 14:18 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Attorney General Eric Holder will take away all your guns!........ Mexican Drug Cartel ''That;s where I got mine!!!''
←Rate | 07-27-2012 14:16 by Abraham Lincoln Comments (0)  


   messageicon Drove by an automated speed sign, it said "SLOW DOWN! YOUR SPEED IS 45MPH" It was right next the sign that said "Speed Limit 45 MPH".
←Rate | 07-27-2012 14:15 by K-Mac Comments (0)  


   messageicon I was outback chopping ome wood with my ''ask'' and this woman walked up and ''axed'' me a question!!!
←Rate | 07-27-2012 14:14 by Abraham Lincoln Comments (0)  


   messageicon I hate when I mistake my finger for a fry.
←Rate | 07-27-2012 14:11 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you want to be successful in life just tell yourself this each morning ''I am smart. intelligent, qualified. now if a job wuld just come available I'll get it!!!''
←Rate | 07-27-2012 14:01 by Abraham Lincoln Comments (1)  


   messageicon I've been asking God to send me my soulmate. Either he's not listening or we've got very different ideas on how she should look.
←Rate | 07-27-2012 13:57 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My kids are so disciplined they spank themselves. Though I think one of them is starting to do it even when he's not in trouble.
←Rate | 07-27-2012 13:56 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The guy who invented the first wheel was not that great.. The guy who invented the other three now he's a GENIUS!
←Rate | 07-27-2012 13:55 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My amazing existence should qualify as a community service.
←Rate | 07-27-2012 13:45 Comments (0)  




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