Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   If Paul McCartney's guitar isn't made out of one of Heather Mills' spare legs, I'm gonna be p*ssed.

   I want a person to come into my life by accident, but stays on purpose.

   There's no place like home. (to poop)

   The chocolate fountain..... Not the first runny brown liquid to be produced by Golden Corral.

   Gee. Lets ask an openly christian man who owns a chain of restaurants that are closed on Sunday what his beliefs on gay marriage are, then act surprised when we find out his beliefs.... Idiots.

   Wonder what events al-Qaeda will be participating in.

   I get zero respect in this house and I know for a fact that I'm the toughest one in here.

   When are these Olympic nuts gonna get it? Hot chicks, in bikinis, jumping on trampolines. The perfect opening ceremony. It can be applied to half time shows too.

   If these walls could talk, I'd move out because having talking walls would a little freaky...

   i hope the next thing they spell is "the end"

   Thanks to all you that could join my FLASH MOB in London. WE DID IT!!!

   The Olympics would be 10x more fun to watch if only midgets were allowed to compete.

   I live for the nights I can't remember with the people I'll never forget

   Girls who say, "a lot of guys are after me", should keep in mind that low prices always attract many customers.

   opening cerimonies=epic fail...they should have got larry the cableguy.

   Hey uk at least we know how to put on a opening ceremony. Sincerely china

   When people ask me if I play "Draw Something," I take a piece of paper, "draw" the word "NO," and then hand it to them.

   Anyone who calls someone else a bigot is bigot. Your also intolerant of his view. Dumb@ss.

   It puts the lotion in the basket!-Me walking by Bath and Body Works in the mall

   80's rock group Starship shocked after hearing the President's speech to find that they didn't build that city on rock and roll, someone else did.