Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   My anti-social behavior reached a new high today when I was un-invited to a wedding, and it made my day.

   Being unmarried can shorten a man's life by ten years.... Yeah,, us guys tend to do better when we are properly supervised.

   I can't really tell the difference between "water polo" or "marco polo", but I know neither one is very thrilling to watch on television. :/

   heard on CNN that the blackout in India has affected nearly 700 million people...Good luck getting through to Comcast customer service today! ツ

   What a rip-off! I picked up a book called 101 Mating Positions. It turned out to be a book on chess.

   If I eat a Chick-fil-a sandwich it doesn't mean I hate gays. If I eat a Jimmy Johns sandwich it doesn't mean I support the killing of exotic animals. All it means is I really like sandwiches.

   The Obama Administration just created 100 million jobs @ Dell and Comcast by cutting power in India.

   Blackout in India would have been resolved by now but the electricians can't reach tech support.

   Tech Support in India? They cnt even fix their own Blackouts :)

   I'd rather be known for nothing than known for something ignorant.

   I woke up feeling British, melancholy & vaguely homoerotic. Turns out I left the air conditioner on Depeche Mode all night.

   The sexual tension between me and this woman is so high that she's using codes like 'can I take your order?'

   Facebook: Where you can be who you wish you were.

   Let's just say, if prematurely ejaculation was an Olympics sport, I would come first.

   Ladies, if you get in an argument with a guy and you have no chance of winning, start playing with your boobs. Trust me on this one.

   Good things may come to those who wait but better things come to those who know how to use their tongue.

   I buy cheap underwear because it's poorly manufactured and rips off easily without damaging his teeth.

   The downside of being tolerant is all the stuff you have to tolerate.

   So apparently Justin Bieber is planning to visit the troops in the Middle East. Taliban, this is your last shot for redemption.

   Second black out in India in two days......They really need to upgrade those tech support phone line so this will quit happening.