Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Vegetarian is the old Indian word for sucks at hunting.

   What kind of idiot would take a cab from West Philly to Bel Air?

   All you ladies in full support of G@Y rights; Its all fun and games until your man comes out of the closet or you lose your man to another guy.

   Anti-gay breakfast sandwhich.. mmm always taste better when its full of hate!

   I got Mood Poisoning. Must have been something I hate.

   DANG MAAN! People in Cali don't know how to drive! >: o

   Zombie kids are spoiled rotten.

   Saying ''Oh Yeah, I remember!'' when you have no idea what their talking about!

   I've been Nominted for Facebooks New Award, Most Funny/Best Posts in 2012!.......In other news I lost my job, my wife, car, and all contact with the outside World!!!

   Went for a jog tonight and saw a payphone and I was like ''WTF is that!!!''

   Michael Phelps probaby just threw away any of his medals that weren't gold.

   Stopped by the apple store to see if they have a better phone than the Samsung Galaxy S3......ilaughed

   Obama got pulled over today and they asked him for his birth certificate and school transcript

   DOUGLAS unscrambled = USA GOLD

   My doctor prescribed marijuana for my constipation but said if it didn't work after a week to discontinue using it. Basically he told me to poop or get off the pot.

   I'm sorry but after the 4th sneeze you are more likely to get a throat punch than a "bless you" from me... control that will ya

   Considering my balance, my credit card has the best theft detection ever. It just says declined no matter what you try to buy.

   Was thinking about giving a f*ck today but... f*cks just don't grow on trees, you know!

   "the govt doesn't want you to use YOUR drugs, they want you to use THEIR drugs

   Shout out to all the 90's baby's, with no babies!