Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 3333 of 6446

Babe, you can find the key to my heart in any liquor store.
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08-06-2012 14:07
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In Call of Duty you can get booted for inactivity, let's put this into dating rules.
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08-06-2012 13:57
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Instead of stressing, whining and crying over him, use that energy to get over him.
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08-06-2012 13:51
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If you want a cream pie recipe you just type cream pie in Google and WAIT GRANDMA NO!!!

Sorry I missed your call. I was peeing and had both hands full.
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08-06-2012 13:27
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My morning glory is lots of coffee and nobody contacting me before noon.
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08-06-2012 13:20
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I knew joining a gym was a bad idea when I got there and needed help pulling the door open.
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08-06-2012 13:13
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If I'm napping in my car, don't wake me up unless I'm driving
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08-06-2012 13:11
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Dear Religion, While you were debating what chicken sandwiches were okay to eat, I just landed on Mars. Sincerely, Your Pal Science
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08-06-2012 13:01
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I'm so blessed not to have you in my life.
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08-06-2012 12:57
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I just found human hairs in my McDonald's burger. When did they start using natural ingredients?
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08-06-2012 12:56
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"I'll eat your kids for breakfast!" - me talking to a chicken.
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08-06-2012 12:52
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Pull your skirt down, sweetie. Your daddy issues are showing.
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08-06-2012 12:44
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Guess who has two thumbs and is high off bath salt… sh!t where are my fu cking thumbs…
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08-06-2012 12:43 by one
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We're all like corn.... Just passing through
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08-06-2012 12:31 by snotty
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The inventor of the doorbell OBVIOUSLY did not own a chihuahua
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08-06-2012 12:30 by snotty
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Playing Frisbee with a five year old is amazingly similar to just running after a Frisbee.
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08-06-2012 11:16 by SEAN
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I gave $10 to our local Little League team, just to be called an "Athletic Supporter"
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08-06-2012 11:15 by SEAN
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I bet homeless people think we're making fun of them when we go camping.
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08-06-2012 11:14 by SEAN
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It's good to see Peyton Manning doing what he does best - pretending he drives a Buick.
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08-06-2012 11:09 by SEAN
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