Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon I Left my wife after she developed a strange fetish. She liked to dress-up as herself and act like a f--king c--t all the f--king time.
←Rate | 08-16-2012 17:10 Comments (0)  


   messageicon There are 4 sides to every story. Yours, mine, the truth & the Internets version.
←Rate | 08-16-2012 16:32 Comments (1)  


   messageicon I'm tired of writing "Sent from my iPhone" at the end of all my e-mails, maybe I should just get an iPhone.
←Rate | 08-16-2012 15:42 by BGT Comments (0)  


   messageicon Oooooh, It's SHARK week and NOT "shart" week...embarrassing :/
←Rate | 08-16-2012 15:40 by BGT Comments (0)  


   messageicon _ I'll bet if it ever really rained cats and dogs, Bob Barker would be pissed because who's gonna neuter them all?
←Rate | 08-16-2012 15:31 by BGT Comments (0)  


   messageicon MAN: "Hi. I'm Bond.....James Bond. What's your name?" WOMAN: "Off.....Fu¢k Off."
←Rate | 08-16-2012 14:45 by Danmanz Comments (0)  


   messageicon We live in a world where losing your phone is more dramatic than losing your virginity.
←Rate | 08-16-2012 12:50 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Sex might satisfy, food might fuel, love might sustain, but without booze, what is the point?
←Rate | 08-16-2012 12:40 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Even though I can't fix stupid, maybe this duct tape will keep it from getting worse.
←Rate | 08-16-2012 12:20 Comments (0)  


   messageicon That pervert watched me and my girlfriend have sex! Man I hate Spiders!
←Rate | 08-16-2012 12:17 Comments (0)  


   messageicon whenever my nephew says i'm his girlfriend I tell him just because we're from oklahoma doesn't mean we have to play the part.
←Rate | 08-16-2012 12:07 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I don't hate you, because even hating you would be a waste of my emotions.
←Rate | 08-16-2012 12:05 by NOT BEGO Comments (0)  


   messageicon I was gonna tell my wife she sucks for not giving me an@l but then I realized she doesn't do that either.
←Rate | 08-16-2012 12:03 Comments (0)  


   messageicon What is wrong with me?!? Asking for a friend.
←Rate | 08-16-2012 12:01 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Never tell a lady you wanna have sex with her mouth. Ask NICELY. "May you show me what your mouth can do?" Be a damn gentleman for once!
←Rate | 08-16-2012 11:53 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Dear people that celebrate whenever they acquire a new "hater", add ME to the list.
←Rate | 08-16-2012 11:50 Comments (0)  


   messageicon It is not like I was a productive person before Facebook anyway
←Rate | 08-16-2012 11:50 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I perform my best sexually at gunpoint.
←Rate | 08-16-2012 11:48 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Everyone knows MC Hammer pants were designed for shoplifting.
←Rate | 08-16-2012 11:45 Comments (0)  


   messageicon You get into alotta trouble living with a lazy eye, cause no matter how you look at someone, it's always the wrong way.
←Rate | 08-16-2012 11:12 Comments (0)  




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