Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 3308 of 6446

I Left my wife after she developed a strange fetish. She liked to dress-up as herself and act like a f--king c--t all the f--king time.
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08-16-2012 17:10
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There are 4 sides to every story. Yours, mine, the truth & the Internets version.
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08-16-2012 16:32
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I'm tired of writing "Sent from my iPhone" at the end of all my e-mails, maybe I should just get an iPhone.
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08-16-2012 15:42 by BGT
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Oooooh, It's SHARK week and NOT "shart" week...embarrassing :/
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08-16-2012 15:40 by BGT
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_ I'll bet if it ever really rained cats and dogs, Bob Barker would be pissed because who's gonna neuter them all?
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08-16-2012 15:31 by BGT
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MAN: "Hi. I'm Bond.....James Bond. What's your name?" WOMAN: "Off.....Fu¢k Off."
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08-16-2012 14:45 by Danmanz
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We live in a world where losing your phone is more dramatic than losing your virginity.
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08-16-2012 12:50
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Sex might satisfy, food might fuel, love might sustain, but without booze, what is the point?
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08-16-2012 12:40
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Even though I can't fix stupid, maybe this duct tape will keep it from getting worse.
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08-16-2012 12:20
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That pervert watched me and my girlfriend have sex! Man I hate Spiders!
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08-16-2012 12:17
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whenever my nephew says i'm his girlfriend I tell him just because we're from oklahoma doesn't mean we have to play the part.
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08-16-2012 12:07
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I don't hate you, because even hating you would be a waste of my emotions.
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08-16-2012 12:05 by NOT BEGO
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I was gonna tell my wife she sucks for not giving me an@l but then I realized she doesn't do that either.
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08-16-2012 12:03
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What is wrong with me?!? Asking for a friend.
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08-16-2012 12:01
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Never tell a lady you wanna have sex with her mouth. Ask NICELY. "May you show me what your mouth can do?" Be a damn gentleman for once!
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08-16-2012 11:53
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Dear people that celebrate whenever they acquire a new "hater", add ME to the list.
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08-16-2012 11:50
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It is not like I was a productive person before Facebook anyway
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08-16-2012 11:50
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I perform my best sexually at gunpoint.
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08-16-2012 11:48
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Everyone knows MC Hammer pants were designed for shoplifting.
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08-16-2012 11:45
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You get into alotta trouble living with a lazy eye, cause no matter how you look at someone, it's always the wrong way.
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08-16-2012 11:12
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