Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 3305 of 6446

The fact that you can still make me smile really pisses me off.
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08-17-2012 13:10
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Some guys shave their balls, but real men tweeze.
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08-17-2012 13:07
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I get so forgetful during sex... wrong username or wrong safe word every time.
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08-17-2012 13:01
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I have no sympathy for amateurs who make sex tapes or take nude pics of themselves and cry “invasion of privacy” when they fail to safeguard them and they leak to the media and public.
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08-17-2012 12:52
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If you can take my girl, then you can have her. If I can take your girl, then you can have her too.
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08-17-2012 12:48
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n't it weird when you see someone driving a car they have no business driving? Like when you see me driving away in your car?
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08-17-2012 12:45
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I sometimes choke on my food just so someone will hold me.
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08-17-2012 12:03
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I am going to walk over and start shaving my b@lls at the cubicle of the next person that clips their nails at work.
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08-17-2012 12:01
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I thought instagram was a cocaine delivery service.
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08-17-2012 11:58
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That 3D ultrasound photo you posted is scaring the sh*t out of everyone.
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08-17-2012 11:56
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I've learned something. The bigger the girl, the bigger the att!tude.
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08-17-2012 10:18 by Cavatappi
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Facebook is in a relationship with the stock market and it's complicated.
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08-17-2012 10:14 by Aaron
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Advice from Aunt Fanny: #173 Remember, it's bad luck to be superstitious.

"Swag", sounds like something that gathers between my nuts and anus.
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08-17-2012 09:23
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Before Drake started saying YOLO, did ya'll suckas think you could live twice or something??
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08-17-2012 09:07 by liro81
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I organized a 3 some last night. There were a couple of no shows but I still had a good time.

thinking of joining the Mortal Kombat tournament. I am pretty deadly with Hulk hands on.

I could really, really use some shenanigans.
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08-17-2012 08:13 by K-Mac
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My mother-in-law has to work for "Tips",,,,,,,,,, Yeah,, You see, Nobody will put the whole thing in....
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08-17-2012 07:39 by snotty
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When he was my age, my father had three kids, owned two businesses and a house. I can't even pull that off in 'The Sims'.
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08-17-2012 07:18 by flinnie
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