Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 3282 of 6446

"You must not only respect the pouch, but yourself as well." - Capri-Sun Tzu
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08-27-2012 22:17 by snotty
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Apparently, mother nature isn't too fond of the brothers either…
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08-27-2012 22:06
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Single life might be lonely, but at least I'm always with my favorite person
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08-27-2012 21:53 by BEGO
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I need to find out what my company needs to do in order to get protests by topless women.
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08-27-2012 21:02
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My ship has sailed, now I am waiting for the UFO.
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08-27-2012 20:45
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How do Vampires shave each day.....I mean they are not able to see their reflection in the mirror.
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08-27-2012 20:32
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When I text someone in the same room as me, I stare at them until they get it...
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08-27-2012 19:08 by Steve OH
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Hey Tiffany, Hurricane Isaac is gonna hit the Gulf Coast. no where near the West coast.... got back to high school...
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08-27-2012 18:56
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gonna take the Christmas lights down...
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08-27-2012 18:49 by Steve OH
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Sorry... my powers can only be used for good.
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08-27-2012 18:47 by Steve OH
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"Lisa from down the street just showed me a picture of her new baby on her phone." I said to my wife. "That's great" she beamed, "So what did she have?" I said, "One of those Blackberry Curves I think..."

Science Fact: If you took all the veins from your body and laid them end to end, you would die
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08-27-2012 15:28
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We couldn't afford to go to "SeaWorld",, So I took the kids to the fish market,, and it went like this.. Kids: Dad,, why aren't the fish moving? Me: Shhh,,,, the fish are sleeping.. Kids: But,,They're breaded ?Me: that's their blankie..
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08-27-2012 15:27 by snotty
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Trying 2 improve my self image, so I placed a note on my mirror that reads "objects are smaller than they appear."
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08-27-2012 15:27
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I always carry a jellyfish in case I need to pee on someone.
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08-27-2012 15:24 by snotty
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Which part of New Orleans was the first to surrender to the Hurricane Isaac flood waters? The French Quarter.
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08-27-2012 15:14
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Hurricane Isaac . Just like Obama, promises so much, but when it's time to get down and dirty, fails to deliver.
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08-27-2012 15:14
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The East Nile virus is apparently not as deadly or notorious?
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08-27-2012 14:08 by sully
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what does hurricane Isaac and Kim Kardashian have in common? They'll both blow anything on the west coast just to get on tv...
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08-27-2012 12:16 by Tiffany
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I think the USADA is on a power trip. They have now banned Lance Armstrong from eating French Toast.
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08-27-2012 12:16
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