Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Search Messages:
If I woke up beside you every morning, I would be a morning person. 
Friend: "What should be engraved on the inside of my husband-to-be's wedding ring? I want something that has meaning and will remind him of me." Me:"PUT IT BACK ON!"
I'm not an alcoholic I just have a lot of things to celebrate.
Hand a man a jump rope and I will tell you if he is a sissy or not.
the sun can kiss the moon goodbye, a flower can kiss a butterfly, wine can kiss a frosted glass and you my friend can kiss my arse
I hate when new parents ask who the baby looks like. It was born 15 minutes ago, it looks like a potato.
Whenever someone says they did something, "like a boss," I assume that means they didn't do it at all and are merely taking credit for it
Partying, YOLO. Forever alone, SOLO. Marco, POLO. Condom broke, OHNO. You like men, HOMO. B!tches be crazy, FOSHO. Run bro run!, POPO.
Even though the little kid was having a tantrum, his mom was unphased. "You might as well give up on the crying," I heard her say as she led him to the store exit. "You're stuck with me for 18 years."
“Leftover Bacon” – a phrase you've never heard before.!!!
Just brushing my teeth & putting on deodorant when out of nowhere I hear, "You're going to have to pay for that!" This Wal-Mart sucks.
I'm on that new diet where you eat everything and hope for a miracle.!!!
They say you should keep your friends close, but your enemies even closer. So I'm getting married next week.
Sorry for my bluntness, that's just how I roll.
You know it's good sex when the neighbors call the police and a priest.
Quick question, ladies: If you shave your eyebrows off and then draw them back on, then what are you actually doing?
when I'm good, I'm great. When I'm naughty, the neighbors need a cigarette!!!
Today I saw a guy on a motorbike wipe out. Thank goodness I was there... or I wouldn't have been able to steal his wallet.
Listen, calling people names says a lot more about you than it does about them you idiot.
Whats with this SONG POP thing everyone is doing and what does it taste like??? 