Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   We all have that ONE friend who checks in on Facebook when he is at Hooters and doesn't post pics.... Yeah..... Screw that guy.

   My worst ideas have all either started or ended with having no pants on.

   I know a lot of midget jokes, I'm afraid they will come back to bite me in the ass.

   How about they make a film that makes these ppl give us free oil?

   tried to kill a spider by drowning it, but it looked at me and asked, "Where's the soap?"

   So a film sparked this whole thing.....Have these ppl seen Roots and Shinderlist's List?.....

   Ummmm... Turns out The Royal Family isn't So Stuffy !

   Sumung s 3 was launched some time ago and iphone 5 can can't beat it.

   For world economy to stablelise matchsticks should come both sides.

   Just like NOKIA, iphone 5 feutures are the same as previous versions.

   An Apple fan walks into a bar.... Orders the same drink as yesterday, but pays more.

   No, that dress doesn't make you seem fat...but your dependence on others' opinions definitely makes you seem shallow."

   Since when has being cheap counted as "empowerment"?...Hey, I'm all for getting in touch with the "inner goddess" by pole dancing you're way to "new you", but you can't get lobster thermidore out of a can of tuna. Get a life."

   Once you go Bl@ck you never go back. I sure hope that isn't the case with the President

   No special plans tonight, but I'm thinking about throwing rocks at a foreign embassy and then grilling some burgers. Hit me up if you wanna join? My mom is coming too....

   We all have that place we go to that is full of negatives and disappointment. Mine sadly is my checkbook.

   My transformation into a baby seal is almost complete.

   Personally, I think today should be "Cap a Diaperhead" day! Just saying

   North Dakota State campus evacuated due to a bomb threat. Both students are suspects...

   I made a post on my facebook saying that I really need prayers right now... then later in the day I replied and explained it was because I bought some scratch offs