Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 322 of 6383
Makes 3 gallons of cranberry sauce so my family can eat 2 teaspoons each.
←Rate |
11-30-2020 09:11
Comments (0)
If by “living off the grid” you mean never giving retailers my correct email, then yeah, that’s totally me.
←Rate |
11-30-2020 09:10
Comments (0)
If you throw a pot of boiling spaghetti at someone’s face and it sticks, it’s done.
←Rate |
11-30-2020 09:09
Comments (0)
I can't believe some people's survival instincts told them to grab toilet paper.
←Rate |
11-28-2020 21:06
Comments (0)
Tryna see how I’m finna split 8$ between 17 people for Christmas 🥴..
←Rate |
11-28-2020 13:40
Comments (1)
I've done the calculations. So far this year I've saved just short of $3600 from not having to buy Movie theatre Popcorn. I hope they don't have to raise the prices in 2021.
←Rate |
11-27-2020 17:57
Comments (0)
Choked eating peach cobbler today, nipples got hard. Worried about myself.
←Rate |
11-27-2020 12:20
Comments (0)
I listened to today's music. It's nothing more than computer generated sampled effects and pieced together bit by bit blurbs of insincerity with auto-tuned vocals. Might as well listen to a power point presentation.
←Rate |
11-27-2020 09:39 by Fazzy
Comments (0)
There's no way I'm ever eating Thanksgiving leftovers again straight out of the fridge. Yes, that's right. I quit cold turkey.
←Rate |
11-27-2020 09:23 by Fazzy
Comments (0)
I hope Mariah Carey getting some good rest today cause it’s game time at midnight.
Which Thanksgiving Day parade doesn't have Jimmy Fallon hot-dogging all over the place? Asking for a frien ... me.
←Rate |
11-26-2020 08:48 by Fazzy
Comments (0)
Can’t figure out if every piano ends up being free or if it’s just the same piano that everyone passes around for free on Facebook Marketplace... 😐
←Rate |
11-26-2020 08:22 by ScottyGay
Comments (0)
Him: Can make a 45$ guitar sound like a 6000 dollar guitar Me: Can make a 6000$ guitar sound like a 1$ toy guitar
←Rate |
11-25-2020 23:56
Comments (0)
Once you mine you ain't leaving, welcome to death row
←Rate |
11-25-2020 21:09
Comments (0)
If she witnessed you pull start the lawn mower in one go, she's already pregnant
←Rate |
11-25-2020 20:21
Comments (0)
After spending 20 minutes trying to get her bra off, I decided to give up. I wish I'd never put it on now...!
←Rate |
11-25-2020 18:12 by Gabe
Comments (0)
The eyes are the window to the soul. The mouth is the window to the esophagus. (Sorry. I'm anticipating Thanksgiving dinner.)
←Rate |
11-25-2020 17:14 by Fazzy
Comments (0)
accidentally left edibles for santa and came downstairs to find him trying to watch pink floyd on my toaster
←Rate |
11-25-2020 08:46
Comments (0)
To be safe, avoid all vegetables and just eat pies for Thanksgiving.
←Rate |
11-25-2020 08:11
Comments (0)
You want a traditional thanksgiving? The CDC recommends you eat outside like a pilgrim this year
←Rate |
11-25-2020 07:52
Comments (0)