Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Russell Wilson became the first QB in history to throw a game-winning interception."

   I haven't seen a call like that since Leslie Neilson was the ump in Naked Gun.

   I just witnessed a quarterback throw a game winning interception.

   The last time I saw officiating like that was a BW3 commercial.

   The NFL is the new WWE

   I hate when I lay in bed at night and my brain thinks about all the embarrassing things that I've been trying to repress into a terminal illness.

   Good hair day = New profile picture.

   Abracadabra!! Nope. Your still a fucktard.

   KFC's new "Chicken's Littles" commercial claim "Little is the new big".......poorly endowed men everywhere finally feel adequate after watching

   don't look back, you're not going in that direction.

   Hands up if your down to get down tonight!!

   I think I'm ready for a relationship. It's been a while since I've dealt with someone's ex drama, had my anxiety go through the roof or had my ego ripped to shreds. It sounds so tempting.

   Beiber Fever is so last year, its time for the GANGNAM STYLE!

   counting down!!! Only 91 days until Christmas, that's right CHRISTMAS :)

   I once dated a woman named Deb who hated to be called Deborah. Then I dated a woman named Tammi who really hated to be called Deborah

   wondering why hockey players are gotta be so effin' greedy!! Enough already.....

   fat is the new skinny

   I suggest the Jets put Tim Tebow at cornerback to replace Darrell Revis. Nobody can keep the football away from receivers like he can.

   I hate when people call me and ask "WHO IS THIS?"

   My husbands wife is freakin' awesome!!