Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   just got my newspaper. Apparently, there's a hurricane headed for the east coast...

   I want a Life Alert necklace,,,, but instead of calling an ambulance it orders me a pizza

   It's a dog eat dog world. And I'm wearing Milkbone underwear...

   call-in sick every morning to somewhere you don't work

   Mitt Romney suggests that those whom are in Hurricane Sandy's path escape to their second or perhaps even third home...

   After seeing the aftermath of the hurricane, we should change its name from Sandy to Watery.

   Sometimes,,, I wish marriage between a man and woman was illegal too.

   I hope that Donald Trump's toupee is spared from the wrath of Hurricane Sandy... Be safe, little ferret

   Hurrican Sandy is mother natures revenge for Jersey Shore.

   Not sure who swept New york faster.. The Hurricane or the tigers

   Action movies don't seem as awesome when you realize all the actors, directors and writers are g ay...

   I tought my niece well, when we were carving our pumpkin I heard her wisper to it "that's what happens to snitches"

   The hardest part of halloween is making those skeletons stay in my closet where they belong

   I don't know much about American sports. But from what I gather the New York Hurricanes are doing well.

   I am forever upgrading WHATSAPP but I never see no godamn difference.

   YAY! It's Tuesday. One day closer to sitting in a half empty bar watching a $hitty cover band butcher tunes I grew tired of 40 years ago.

   People who live in glass houses shouldnt smoke crack!

   Man that wind is really blowing hard out. I seen a chicken lay the same egg three times..

   All I can say is Thank You Sandy for giving me a break from the Election!

   What if Gangnam Style is actually a rain dance and we've brought the frankenstorm down upon ourselves?