Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   a guy can f¥ck you for a year straight and still not like one thing about you

   If you decide to dress up as Lance Armstrong for this Halloween, just remember to give all the candy back at the end of the night.

   I got drunk and put Icy Hot on my balls once. Can't recommend it...

   Hear those Screams ??? That's not over Halloween scares. Its Star Wars fans freaking out. Walt Disney bought LucasFilms for $4 Billion dollars. Episode 7 will be released in 2015. I'm wondering how Sheldon Cooper and the rest of the gang on "Big Bang Theo

   I wonder how much aid we'll get from all those countries we bail out everytime in rains there??

   Nudes are often ppl you do not want to see naked at all.

   The best thing about Youtube videos is when they have managed to keep the good VHS quality.

   Wow, you're sweet in long distance! Maybe a long distance relationship could work.

   Im convinced that the Galaxy Note 2 is for basketball players

   The hurricane Sandy is Not available in your country ! We are sorry for the inconvenience.

   "Continental Breakfast". What is continental with jam, bread and coffee/tea?

   If you play Justin Bieber backwards you get hidden messages from the devil himself to pull yourself together and listen to something else.

   Another NBA season...and Chris Bosh is still ugly.

   My favorite Disney princess is now Princess Leia.

   I'm happier than a busload of f@t ladies on the way to a Bon Jovi concert.

   I'm so sorry. I didn't see you there. And after all this time no less. I wasn't ignoring you, you simply don't matter that much anymore. Please forgive me, yet my feelings will remain unchanged, Myspace phone app.

   If parents say, "Never take candy from strangers" then why do we celebrate Halloween?

   I`m gonna dress up like Sandy for Halloween, think that costume will blow people away!

   Be safe, New Yorkers. Stay away from large sugary drinks and stuff.

   If he makes you laugh, kisses your forehead, says hes sorry, makes an effort, holds your hand, attempts to understand you. Hes totally cheating on you.