Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 310 of 6383
An optimist stays up until midnight to see the new year in. A pessimist stays up to make sure the old year leaves.
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01-01-2021 10:34
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Just found a document that says all our restrictions have been lifted! It’s pretty old though, it’s dated 1776…
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01-01-2021 10:34
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Plan-Demic Cruelty. Let us never forget, was unleashed on the world intentionally one week after the failed impeachment hoax.
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01-01-2021 10:33
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Raffling off my $600 stimulus check $20 a spot 50 spots available direct message me if you’re interested
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01-01-2021 10:28
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My New Years resolution for 2021 is to be more assertive if that's okay with you guys?
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01-01-2021 03:59
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Before I get drunk, I wanna wish everyone a happy father's day.
You know you are getting old when you look forward to going to bed before midnight, instead of staying up after.
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12-31-2020 19:27
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Happy 2021 New Year to all of you who will be staying home in your pajamas eating snacks on New Year's Eve, just like any other year.
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12-31-2020 14:14 by Moon
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I'm making Hilaria Baldwin's paella recipe for dinner and... Wait a minute. This is clam chowder!
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12-31-2020 11:53
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Still not sure what I am wearing to the living room this New Years Eve
If you don’t have a crazy neighbor, you are the crazy neighbor.
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12-31-2020 08:43
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I’ve been trying to start my truck with my house key since 7am this morning, there’s no way I’m gonna stop now.
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12-31-2020 08:35
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Wife just fell off the bed and I laughed so hard that I’ll be sleeping on the couch tonight.
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12-31-2020 08:17
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It is amazing how many people have such bad reactions to gluten, peanuts, and facts.
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12-30-2020 19:34
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COME ON STIMULUS I GOT THE BODYWASH UPSIDE DOWN WIT A LIL WATER IN IT. 🤣
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12-30-2020 18:41
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Amen; The wife really liked the "sex anytime, anywhere" coupon I gave her.... Probably should have specified "with me"
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12-30-2020 14:50
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My New Year's Resolution was going to be to quit all my bad habits, but then it occurred to me- no one likes a quitter.
My mother-in-law came over and made me dinner, and now I’m wondering if I should have married her instead.
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12-30-2020 08:30
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2022 is going to be my year, I can just feel it!
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12-29-2020 22:07 by Moon
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Twisted Tea is the new Can of Whoop-ass.
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12-29-2020 15:39
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