Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Some people you know were dropped on their heads as babies. Some were clearly thrown in the air, hit the ceiling fan, bounced off the wall & fell out the window.

   It takes many nails to build a crib, but just one screw to fill it.

   Only in math problems can you buy 60 cantaloupes and nobody asks what the hell is wrong with you.

   After seeing all this 12/12/12 stuff today, I can tell you December 21st is really going to be annoying.

   I can already tell December 21st will be the most annoying day in Facebook history.

   I made it through 1/1/1, 2/2/2 all the way through 12/12/12! Whoo-hoo! I'm feeling pretty invincible....Bring on 13/13/13!!!

   ladies, don't fall for all those Sears commercials. We don't want that s hit...

   the only 12's I give a s hit about come in 12 ounces and 12 packs...

   Men, just because she loves your c ock doesn't mean she's in love with u

   I just found some Thanksgiving leftovers in the fridge. Funny, I don't remember making any turkey pudding...

   when asked about the Lakers struggles lately, Kobe said, "Dude, I got away with rape so it's no biggee..."

   This is amazing & really works with ANY age!! Take your age, add two, subtract two. THAT's your age!! CrAzY!!

   The best thing about social media is that you can talk to people without having to put your pants on.

   Facebook is for Leaders.....Twitter is for Followers

   People sometimes let you down… bacon never does. »

   Ladies; Just because he had an erection doesn't mean he's in love with you.

   you always know who's not from NY when they are dressed like Eskimos on a day like today

   Dear Men. When a woman says she doesn't want to talk about it, you'd better shut up, grab a chair and get ready to listen…for hours.

   I'm doing 'Mexican Yoga' tonight. It's just sitting at the back of a regular yoga class with a bottle of tequila.

   When I said I'd give you multiples I was talking about my personalities.