santa AND presents AND christmas AND xmas AND holidays AND elfs Funny Status Messages

   Between the blue corn tortilla chips, spinach dip, and salsa....I've been crapp*ng out Christmas colors for the past three days.

   There are 364 days until Christmas and I already have my Christmas lights up and my Wife call's me a Procrastinator.

   There are 364 days until Christmas and people already have their lights up. Unbelievable.

   Nothing shows more Christmas spirit then then Egypt, and Sudan they keep sending each other cars- that blow up! Merry Christmas You Filthy Animal!

   I crammed 3 Christmas' s in 3 States within 2 days! I don't know how Santa does it!!!

   Returned every single Christmas gift today. Even handmade ones from my kids

   I'm glad that Christmas is over so I don't have to see that no talent ass clown who became famous and started winning Grammys on Honda commercials anymore!

   Judging by all of the cologne and shower sets I got for Christmas either people know I like to smell good or I am failing at it.

   All I wanted for Christmas was to get promoted out of the friend zone.

   I hope my liquor store is having an after Christmas sale!!

   that face you make when you only have 1 or 2 presents & the other people around you have 10-12 :-/...then while they are still opening theirs you sit around with that f you look

   Merry Drunk I'm Christmas

   "MERRY CHRITHMITH MY ATH!" ~ The kid in the Christmas song that didn't get her two front teeth.

   To the person who just mass messaged me that heart felt "Merry Christmas" text, I thought you should know everyone says "Thanks". ..All 115 of them.

   Thank you everyone who group text me with Merry Christmas. I just woke up to hundreds of "you too" texts from people I don't know....fml

   Merry Christmas. ..ya filthy animal.

   Woke up - no Christmas gifts. I guess we all know which list Santa put me on.

   Well this morning I woke up in a box under my tree... I guess I should of been more specific when I told Santa "I want the sexiest person alive for Christmas"!

   All I want for Christmas is NO MORE GAME REQUESTS!!! Thank you!!

   Merry Christmas......now that this is out of the way....I can justify the rest of my day with alcohol and shenanigans.