Y.P Funny Status Messages

   i'm such a fabulous cook, even the smoke alarm is cheering me on!

   Viagra is now available in powder form for your tea. It doesn't enhance your sexual performance but it does stop your biscuit going soft.

   Ironically, it's really hard when you suffer from impotency

   -- split up from the missus yesterday, I'm now very sad and upset. I had to go to work today with my clothes creased.....

   Call it a hunch, but I'm pretty sure I have an abnormal convex curvature of the upper spine.

   Sky News "Tree Falls On Bank" Does anyone happen to know what branch ?

   I'm not saying my girlfriend is thick, but we had a gas leak and she put a bucket under it.....

   -- I lost my watch earlier, I would have looked for it but I just didn't have the time......

   Cocaine is never a solution. Unless of course, you dissolve it in water.

   I was walkin past my neighbours white van that was covered in dirt ,someone had wrote on it, "I wish my wife was as dirty as this van." I just couldn't help myself from writing, " She is... When your at work

   I just shaved a hedgehog. It was pointless.

   I just saw a woman getting into a car the wrong way. Through the driver's door.

   I used to see this girl across the road from me. She would get naked for me each morning it was great. But now she closes her curtains.

   Hav finally finished my 40,000 piece Jigsaw, it reads- " Get a life you sad F**k "

   going to McDonald's for a salad like going to a brothel for a hug....

   My new doctor is a very attractive busty blonde.....I have now given up eating apples !!!!

   I'm gonna get a #2 tattooed on my back... just so the person behind me knows what position their in !!!

   never apologizes. I'm sorry, but that's just the way I am....

   Our boss called the office together this morning to show us where all the plug sockets are. I hate power point presentations.....

   at the supermarket dropping Cucumbers and KY Jelly into random peoples trolleys !!