JCGJ Funny Status Messages

   Dear Santa, yea I was naughty this year ..and it was worth it, you fat, judgmental b*stard!

   I got kicked out of my Community Theater group when the director asked to see me Limp. How was I to know he was talking about walking?

   I've had only had one glass of wine. . . Glass, bottle. . . whatever. . . A bottle is glass, right ??

   Ryan Lochte is going to be a father, which proves that no matter how stupid you may be, it only takes one strong swimmer to get somebody pregnant.

   Christmas - The time of year when you can get the whole dysfunctional family together under one roof!

   Thank god the U.S. election is over......I almost forgot who Kim Kardashian West is !!

   North Korea is shaking some big balls at the United States, though they're most likely photoshopped !

   But it's a Stress Ball, I thought I was suppose to throw it at who, or whatever was stressing me out . .when I seen the blue and red lights flashing, and that loud siren. . . .wait, wha? How am I suppose throw it with hand-cuffs.

   Official sponsor and supplier for the London 2012 Olympic Games. ..RAIN !

   James Holmes was able to legally buy 6000 rounds of ammo online, and Tommy Chong was put in jail for selling bongs.

   While un-locking the door I dropped my keys this, and in one motion with lightning quick reflexes I caught them and punched myself in the balls.

   My ex texted me: I Miss You... So I replied: We're sorry, the subscriber you are trying to reach doesn't give a f*ck

   Take my wife....... for example !!!

   Time is like a stretched elastic band. You can't let it go or it'll come back and take your balls out.

   Doctors handwriting: ﹏﹏ ﹏﹏ ﹏. What I see: ǽ₮∂￦￡. What the pharmacist sees: Aspirin you dumb ass.

   the wheels of the bus go round and round. And it's making me sick.

   ..R.I.P - Adam Yauch, Co- Founder of the Beastie Boys

   ▼ ◄ ▲ ► ▼ ◄ ▲ ► ▼ ◄ ▲ ► ▼ ◄ ▲ ► ▼ ◄ ▲ ▼ ◄ ▲ ► ▼ ◄ ▲ ► ▼ ◄▼ ◄ ▲ ► ▼ ◄ ▲ Sorry, I just dropped my bag of Doritos.

   ___\(._.\) TO THE WINDOWS (/._.)/ TO THE WALL…

   10 years ago we had Steve Jobs, Bob Hope and Johnny Cash – Now we have no Jobs, no Hope and no Cash.