life Funny Status Messages

   I can't dance to save my life, but when I step in dog crap, I can moonwalk better than Michael Jackson.

   The three stages of life: Wanting stuff... Accumulating stuff... Getting rid of stuff.

   If life hands you lemons, go find a kid with a papercut and make his life miserable.

   Life is like peeing up a drain pipe, it all comes back to you.

   Here's how I define marriage: Marriage is finding that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.

   I can handle most things in life. But hearing someone chew their food is not one of them.

   Somethings in life I’ll never understand, like how there could be a group on Facebook called Facebookers Anonymous, thats like walking into an open bar where their holding an AA meeting.

   I am positive that there isn't life on any other planets ! If there was Trudeau would have sent them money

   To all you folks out there that have no life and need this Eclipse to fulfill that void in your life? I heard if you moon the eclipse, you will become a smart ass like me and will become significant and with purpose!!

   Have you ever noticed that all the instruments searching for intelligent life are pointing away from earth?

   "I've made a lot mistakes in my life, but just know you were never one of them" -ME (looking at my triple bacon cheeseburger...extra bacon).

   I don't get how people afford life without a job??? I can't even afford it with a job.

   Ten years ago I didn't forward that text to 10 people in 10 minutes. That's why my life sucks now.

   My eight-year-old just asked me if Bingo was the name of the farmer or the dog. Now I am questioning everything I thought I knew about life.

   Dear Mr troll some cure disease in life some stop wars you have been able to destroy a fun site to visit. Maybe you can move out of nanas basement next.

   Please wear your masks. It saved my friends life. He was having lunch with his girlfriend and his wife didn't recognize him.

   The Three Stages of Life: Wanting stuff. Accumulating stuff. Getting rid of stuff.

   I don't know what I'd do without Instagram there to show me unrealistic photos of women I never see in day to day life.

   I don't know if people who wear pajamas in public have given up on life or are living it to the fullest.

   When Life knocks you down, calmly get back up, smile, and say, “You hit like a sissy.”