Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Twinkee's are coming back... There is a God.

   Crap! Still here! Better schedule that colonoscopy,

   DEAR SANTA, When you're done with it... Can I have the naughty girl list????

   Drink apple juice... OJ will kill you.

   Mark Zuckerberg should have just shut down Facebook for 24 hours...That should have scared enough people to think the world was over!!!

   What if Bruce Willis and crew actually blew up the asteroid last night. Willis 1 - Mayans 0.

   wore my mistletoe belt buckle out last night. Met a girl with a mistletoe belly button piercing.. Wedding is next month."

   Well, If this was 1999, would you have ever thought 13 years from now you could sit on the toilet while updating your facebook status about the End of the world again??? I wonder what will be doing 13yrs in the future from now.......

   R.I.P to everybody who didn't make it to Christmas this year.

   If you need an assault rifle with 30, 50, or 90 round clips to protect yourself maybe you just suck at protecting yourself.

   Just got a belly piercing. It's a mistletoe, I don't want any confusion on where I want your lips this Christmas.

   if these damned Mayans are wrong, I'm gonna owe a lot money and will definitely have to return the Lamborghini!!

   I just want to say "MERRY CHRISTMAS" to everyone, well everyone but you. I shaved my nutz for you and you just left me to die a VIRGIN!!

   Anyone know when the next end of the world is?

   ... This is Lawrence, Kansas... Is there anybody out there?... Anybody at all?

   the world didn't end today?!?! Boy do I have a lot Christmas shopping to do now!

   Wow, I cant believe it!!! Not one single post on my wall today about the world not ending.....said no Facebook user ever..

   I hate when college professors make you introduce yourself to the entire class.

   So what, if Mayans got it all wrong, its not the end of the world!!!

   Whenever you feel stupid, just look at the trending topics on twitter. There are always people dumber than you.