Mom or Mother Funny Status Messages

   Mother Earth will soon die. We still have the universe. :D

   2 dyslexics run into a bank and shout "air in the hands mother stickers this is a f*ck up"

   I just got a text saying... I'm Not The Girl Ur Mother Warned you About,,, Her Imagination Was Never This Good. Umm... you wanna come over?

   On our 1st date she wanted to take me to a strip club, but I wasn't ready to meet her mother.

   There is only one woman who has truly changed me. It was my mother and I was a baby.

   Mother, I would appreciate it if you didn't use scented laundry detergent, I don't feel like walking around smelling like Fresh Mountain Breeze...

   made two batches of brownies at a friend's house, one plain and one special. accidentally brought the wrong batch home to my very mormon mother. she's laughing her ass off at george carlin right now

   His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork.

   Even greater than that of a mother... Is the tender, passionate, undying love, Of one beer drunken slob for another.”

   a single father of about 4 million kids swimming around fighting to make it to their mother's egg

   Every girl should use what Mother Nature gave her before Father Time takes it away.

   watching the neighborhood kids play hide and seek. Now I know whose mom is on drugs. I'm guessing its the mother of the kid yelling "Olly Olly Oxycontin!"

   My mother sent me a private message on fb, telling me that I shouldn't post things that some people might find offensive. after much soul searching I had to do the right thing, so I unfriended her !

   Dear mother nature, now I know that last year when you made it rain for 40 days and 40 nights we had some words. This year if you ruin my summer again I might have to go against all of what I believe and choke a b***h!

   my mother always taught me to lick it before I stick it

   filled out an application that said, "In Case Of Emergency Notify". I wrote "Doctor"... What's my mother going to do?

   "Honolulu - it's got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, sharks for the wife's mother."

   When you first start dating a girl, they say to look at their Mother to see how they'll look as they age. However.....I feel very judgmental when their Mother is practically the same age as I am:)

   Nothing is sweeter than finding out that the cute boy who dumped you in the 12th grade lives in his mother's basement.

   The tag "in bed" that makes fortune cookies so funny, makes Mother's Day cards creepy. Just sayin' (uncle Bill!).