Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   MONEY - its only the root of all evil when you are dead broke.

   They should change the name of "Disney Channel" to "Celebrity Pre-Rehab".

   So the etch-a-sketch creator is dead... His family is reported to be a little shook up...

   Hi Brain, I'd like to introduce you to someone I don't think you know...this is Mouth. You should really hang out more and get to know each other...Maybe then Mouth will stop hanging out with Foot so much.

   Who's the biggest prostitute in history...Ms. Pacman...for 10 cents that slut swallowed balls till she died....

   There is a fine line between a sleepover and just drinking way too much at someone else's house.

   there's a thin line between love & hate & it's located on marriage certificates rite under the signatures

   a girl called me once and said come over, nobody is home! I went there and she was right, nobody was home

   Taylor Swift's Dirty Little Secret Will Make You Sick... It's All About AGENDA 21, Look It Up!!.

   Don't underestimate the power of a fresh, odorless, clean and well-maintained puss y, Ladies.

   I'm not ignoring you, my thoughts are just more important than your words.

   This is my bed, it's where I jerk off. That's my couch, it's also where I jerk off. Over there is the bathroom, I jerk off in there too.

   "It's not what it looks like!" - said when something is exactly what it looks like

   The only person you should believe when they tell you they love you is your dog and weed.

   Punxsutawney Phil did not see Manti Te'o's girlfriend either today.

   Why is it that I am just realizing that Joey and Chandler did not have a sink in their apartment?

   Bad news The Invetor of the Etch a Sketch just died at 86 - The good news is his cremated remains will be encased in commemorative Editions of the Etch A Sketch product..

   Face it.. Hotel rooms are good for one thing only... Getting laid

   my favorite part of waking up is calculating how long until I get to go back to sleep...

   if you've been married less than a year, stop with all the love and marriage quotes. S hit will eventually hit the fan...