Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I think it's cool the way they let the Cardinals pick the pope and not the Cubs or Yankees

   The key to an unhealthy relationship is being with me.

   UGH! A co-worker is here with kids and I don't want to talk to them, so I'm trying to look busy. This is the hardest I've worked all week!

   Who needs a brain when you fall deeply in love?

   Maybe the black smoke simply means they need a new chimney sweep.

   Yes facebook... I'm sure I want to remove this event.

   you know why you would never hear a pteradactyl in the bathroom? because the P is silent. <badoom crash!>

   this one blows chunks. Keep scrolling...

   11 out of 10 centipedes go bankrupt when they go bowling.

   About 73% of the time, I just make up percentages

   thank good ness this pope s hit came along. We were just getting sick of all the obama jokes...

   what's the 800 # I text my votes to for my favorite Pope??

   Why do they still use smoke to singal the pope vote? Don't they have a twitter account now?

   If you tell me to "grow up" I will point at your shirt and flick your nose with my finger when you look down.

   Whatsapp and BBM have been ranked 2nd and 3rd as the best for gossip.Women continue to rule at No. 1.

   facebook sucks ass anymore.. whos wth me?? its like checking a fridge when you know theres nothing to eat!

   They need to hurry up and find a new pope. It's been less than 2 weeks and already the unsupervised Cardinals are smoking in the Sistine Chapel.

   Anyone else having trouble with these nicotine patches? Mine melt as soon as I light them.

   I hope I live to see the day kindness goes viral.

   Telling your woman to calm down, works about as well as trying to baptize a cat.