santa AND presents AND christmas AND xmas AND holidays AND elfs Funny Status Messages

   There will be no more need to worry about being on Santa's naughty list........Obama shut down the coal industry

   My wife said she wanted a clean, fresh start in the new year. Merry Christmas babe, here's your Hoover.

   my mature level IS , I still giggle when singing about nuts in christmas carols

   No Miley, Santa doesn’t have a "twerkshop"

   My friend is staying in a hotel on Christmas Eve, which sounds really depressing, but I bet Mary and Joseph would have killed for that.

   To see my family over the holidays I have an appointment book. Just so there is no fender benders.......

   My Christmas present to all of you? I took a naked selfie and deleted it.

   You may remember me from such events as ruining Christmas dinner.

   Christmas Gift idea: Take her to the Planetarium so she can see the world doesn't revolve around her.

   Due to hacking and terror threats, I'm canceling my Christmas film "Kim Jong merrily on high"!

   Must you really ask why I have my selfie on top of my Christmas tree?

   Next time I make a comment about an ugly Christmas sweater I'm going to make sure there is a party going on. Another life lesson learned!

   The holidays are a good time to think about those less fortunate than you. Aaaaaaand done.

   No thanks, contemporary Christmas music.

   Ladies - I am still available as a great last minute Christmas gift!

   This Christmas, if you plan on jingling, please jingle ALL the way. Nobody likes or respects a half ass jingler.

   All of these couples in the Hallmark Christmas movies that fall in love in a couple of days should have sequels on the Crime Network by Halloween when one of them murders the other one.

   I'm white but not "hires someone to hang my Christmas lights" white...

   Dear Santa don't drink the milk at Bill Cosby's house!!!

   If one of Santa's helpers takes a picture of himself with his smartphone, is that an "elfie"?