santa AND presents AND christmas AND xmas AND holidays AND elfs Funny Status Messages

   Got all my Christmas gifts bought early this year, hope everyone likes Halloween costumes-

   Last year I asked santa for the sexiest person ever and I woke up in a box

   Man, just think how crazy Gollum goes on the 5th day of Christmas.

   Retail Stores: "It's September 1st! Time to put out all the Christmas crap...."

   Things I use duct tape for, by percentage: Pranks: 35% Car repair: 35% Wrapping presents: 20% Medical emergencies: 10% Ducts: 0%

   I wonder if Brad Pitt gets sad on Christmas when one of his kids asks what's in the box

   Kanye West only accepted the role of Santa Claus after the director agreed to change the script so that the kids all asked him what he wanted for Christmas.

   Dear Santa, Don't bring me anything this year as I've got every thing I need. Tyrone, aged 7 from Baltimore

   [first date] her: so, tell me about yourself! me: well, I'm not good with dates her: but you're doing fine! me: christmas is on september 3rd

   Screw it..... I'm just gonna say that these are " Mother's Day" lights now..... *lazy Christmas light owners...

   Psst...if you wanna have a Christmas Baby...tonight is the night.

   Now showing exclusively in San Francisco, Santa Monica, Chelsea and Key West. 50 shades of g ay.

   WTF is with all the American Girl dolls on ebays deal of the day.... This isn't christmas mother fcukers

   You people can keep blaming your weight/waist or tight fitting clothes on the holidays if you want, but I am not going to lie to myself or others. I was fat in August!

   Still haven't taken down the Christmas tree. Screw it. We now have a Super Bowl tree.

   Stop blaming the holidays....you were fat in August!

   All I wanted for Xmas was for the pirate bay website to come back. Is that too much to ask?

   Now that Christmas shopping and madness is over, I'm expecting applications for potential girlfriends...

   The Christmas Day hacking of Playstation Network and Xbox Live forced gamers offline and kids to sit with their families for Christmas instead of locking themselves in their rooms. This had girlfriends, wives, and mothers whispering, "It's a Christmas Mi

   Justin Bieber Got a Freaking Jet for Christmas proving that there is no God or justice in this world we live in.