Mom or Mother Funny Status Messages

   My mother never understood the irony in calling me a ”son-of-a-b!tch.”

   Parking in the "Expecting Mother" parking spot wasn't a mistake. I'm expecting yours.

   One day, a little boy wrote to Santa Clause, "Please send me a sister." Santa Clause wrote him back, "Ok, send me your mother."

   The only good thing about having your mother as a FB friend is that no matter how bad your status update bombs in your attempt to be funny, you can always count on her to "like' it

   Adam and Eve had an ideal marriage. He didn't have to hear about all the men she could have married, and she didn't have to hear about the way his mother cooked.

   Just Overheard on BlackOps online;Guy 1: YOUR MOTHER SHOULD HAVE HAD AN ABORTION!!!! Guy 2: I know I Hate my sister!

   Mother Nature is blowing everyone tonight.

   I haven't spoken to my mother-in-law for eighteen months. I don't like to interrupt her.

   Mother-in-law: A woman who destroys her son-in-laws peace of mind by giving him a piece of hers.

   What did the mother turkey say to her disobedient children? “If your father could see you now, he'd turn over in his gravy!”

   Bristol is following in her mother's footsteps, having no talent and people still root for her!

   Today is National Unfriend Day... but what if mother won't let me unfriend?

   When I was a little girl, my mother wore a mood ring. When she was in a good mood it turned blue. When she was in a bad mood, it left a big red mark on my forehead.

   My mother now has Gchat. You will no longer know how inappropriate my thoughts are via status updates. Today my status is "I like studying and Jesus."

   Shut up, you'll never be the man your mother is

   (With French accent) Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries!

   A Freudian slip is when you mean to say one thing, but do a mother.

   That's a low blow - and talking of low blows, how's your mother?

   This may look easy to you, but I assure you your mother is even easier.

   My mother-in-law came to visit, I asked, "How long are you going to stay?" She said, "As long as you want me to." I said, "You're not even going to stay for coffee?"