Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   MLM's…aka "PYRAMID SCHEMES" is just like the LOTTERY. It gives MILLIONS of people hopes & dreams but in reality they just end up losing money while ONLY A FEW hit the jackpot.

   I took a sexual harassment course this afternoon ....I think I'm gonna be pretty good at it.

   Did jay-z call beyonce feyonce after he proposed?

   party at my house bring booze then leave.

   MLM’s such as "Nerium Internationa"l are the modern day equivalent of snake oil peddlers

   so they wait till next year has officially begun

   I'm fully clothed and still look hotter than all these h0es dressed like it's 95 degrees

   Thinking that a woman will never cut your heart out and slice it into cute little pieces for her next lover is so cute and naive.

   I'm sorry your internet boyfriend cheated on you. I hope your husband will dry your tears.

   I'm such a giving person; if cannibals were cooking me, I'd give them tips on how to make me more tender.

   Just when you want to be a good person again , someone new to stalk shows up.

   I hope I can still remember the dance to Thriller when I become a Zombie.

   My neighbours were listening to some pretty cool music until the arseholes asked me to turn it down.

   Self Righteousness is a form of guilt that arises from discrimination

   I’m not surprised you’re having problems I had a bad experience with your reality once too.

   just dipped a banana into a jar of natural peanut butter and the end broke off and sank to the bottom. ...just in case anyone wants to get me a new jar of peanut butter ...or some meds ...or a life.

   Own any thing you want, but don’t let any thing own you.

   Oral sex does not mean talking about it.

   Men say women should come with instructions. Hello! When was the last time you saw a guy read the instructions?

   There's someone out there for everyone. (The motto of hideous people the world over.)