Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Why the do vegans have fake meat? "I'm morally opposed to eating meat but I want to pretend I'm eating it."

   There's a special place in Hell for people who call to see if you got their email.

   So everybody hates Crocs yet the company is worth $2 billion! Some of you must be lying!

   So everybody hates Crocs yet the company is worth $2 billion! Some of you must be lying!

   Before I could even offer a plea bargain, the judge pronounced us man and wife.

   God exists because without God, there'd be no devil and I was married to the devil.

   God exists because without God, there'd be no devil and I was married to the devil.

   And then God said, "Let the women have feelings. A lot of feelings. Like, all of the feelings."

   I don't understand why g@y guys won't sleep with women. I mean they have butt-holes too.

   Ugh my girlfriend is taking forever to exist!

   Pollen: Natures way of blowing a load all over everything. Happy Spring!

   Its easier to prove that god does not exist than it is to prove that he does exist.

   If there's no bacon, it's not breakfast.

   Okay, Earth Day is over, we can start f**king up the planet again........

   I'm already an idiot, I just need a village

   I got arrested in LA and boy am I beat!

   I got sent out of class once at school.The teacher yelled at me, "What would your parents say if I called them?' I replied, "Hello?"

   I refuse to celebrate Earth Day until Wind & Fire are recognized.

   Fellas; I don't think you realize how much your ability to kiss affects your chance of any future action.

   The difference between a d*ck and a pen*s is a d*ck pops his collar.