Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon I just cut my lip on an Oreo. Well it was 3 Oreos. At the same time.
←Rate | 05-04-2013 10:33 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Keeping a kayak on the top of your car is a great way to say “I’m outdoorsy, yet douchey
←Rate | 05-04-2013 10:06 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Pitching tents in your pants doesn't mean you're outdoorsy.
←Rate | 05-04-2013 10:06 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Always take a homeless person with you when you go camping.They're outdoorsy, work for food. & you can leave them anywhere you want to.
←Rate | 05-04-2013 10:04 Comments (0)  


   messageicon "MORNING!" "MORNING!" "HEY!" "YO!" "NICE DAY!" "YEAH!" "I LIKE SEEDS!" "ME TOO!" "I HATE CATS!" "SO DO I!" - birds at 4:30 am
←Rate | 05-04-2013 09:55 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Silly me....being the city slicker that I am...I thought the KY Derby was a lubrication contest.
←Rate | 05-04-2013 09:35 by Fazbeinder Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm proof that you don't have to be famous to make stupid decisions...
←Rate | 05-04-2013 09:07 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Hey Crossfit idiots All I can think about when I see you running with your backpack full of weights is how quickly you'd sink if I pushed you over the bridge.
←Rate | 05-04-2013 08:47 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My 6 year old tried to karate chop a watermelon at the supermarket. Thanks Fruit Ninja
←Rate | 05-04-2013 08:42 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon Hey G@y Guys; I think God's plan was for things to come outta there, not up there..
←Rate | 05-04-2013 08:35 Comments (4)  


   messageicon I don't have to attend every argument I'm invited to
←Rate | 05-04-2013 07:38 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon If Cinderella's shoe fit perfect, why did it slip off to start with?
←Rate | 05-04-2013 00:04 by bubba Comments (0)  


   messageicon Just watched a movie with my kids about a young girl that is transported to a surreal land where she kills the first person she meets. Then she meets up with 3 other strangers to kill again. The Wizard of Oz.
←Rate | 05-03-2013 23:08 by Gripenfelter Comments (0)  


   messageicon How in the heck was Cinderella the only girl in the ENTIRE kingdom to wear that size shoe?
←Rate | 05-03-2013 22:52 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Currently pondering.....for a very curious monkey, why couldn't George ever figure out the name of the man in the yellow hat?
←Rate | 05-03-2013 22:51 by Nunthewizr Comments (0)  


   messageicon I love babies wearing sunglasses. They are like little tiny, blind jazz musicians.
←Rate | 05-03-2013 22:50 by Nunthewizr Comments (0)  


   messageicon I wonder if employees for pornography sites get into trouble for looking at non-related work websites during the day. We caught you misusing company time. CNN? Amazon? Bed Bath and Beyond? We're not paying you to look at that kind of crap.
←Rate | 05-03-2013 22:50 by Nunthewizr Comments (0)  


   messageicon Dear Derrick Rose: Can you come up with even more excuses why you aren't playing despite being 100% healthy??
←Rate | 05-03-2013 22:34 Comments (0)  


   messageicon People dont even say grace before meals anymore . They just hold their phone over the plate, snap a picture, & then upload it to instagram .
←Rate | 05-03-2013 21:26 by BEGO Comments (0)  


   messageicon I hate when I’m comfortable in bed and I forget my iPhone in the other room!
←Rate | 05-03-2013 21:25 by BEGO Comments (0)  




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