Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   So sick of hearing about Paula dean and gay rights and blah blah.. Let everyone live their life and be happy

   Anyone that eats 6 tacos instead of running will soon be running whether they like it or not.

   One things for sure, the catering at Klan rallys just got a lot better!!

   Paula Deen loves fried chicken but she don't like no dark meat!

   N*gger is now the white man's kryptonite

   The tattoos girls lower back should all read; "This Side Up."

   What do the Smurfs and a Tiffany's diamond have in common? They both come in little blue boxes.

   I don't get how holding the door for a stranger is polite but flushing the urinal for them isn't.

   "Herpes!"-What I see when your Facebook status says "Vegas, baby!"

   It's been 10 days since anyone in the NFL has murdered anybody! So Blessed.

   I was going to start running today but then I decided to eat 6 tacos instead.

   I don't understand why I get strange looks from dudes at the gym when I ask'em to spot me. Not my fault I can't reach my back in the shower.

   It took a lot of persuasion and reasoning on my part at this 'all-you-can-eat' buffet, but anyway... long story short... I'm about to blow the busboy.

   REMEMBER KIDS: It's not gay if it's for meth.

   So the electric motor on our ceiling fan went out. We had a old blender that was about to be a yard sale item so I modified it and rigged it on the ceiling fan. Now I have off, high, tornado, and hurricane. And oddly, a self cleaning house now.....

   Whatever I did to make you hate me, I'd like to know. I have other people I can use that on.

   I have some jokes about unemployment but they need some work.

   The new Paula Deen and Aaron Hernandez jokes are about 12 hours too late...

   In other news Paula Deen as made a statement in regards to the DOMA ruling: "I'm real excited for the fags, especially the colored ones."

   Breast-feeding Mom....Y you No wink back???