Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Search Messages:
Still trying to find a balloon that says: Congrats on your 6th baby with different men" I wont stop till I find it cuz I'm a good friend. 
It must be nice for boring people, they can just think themselves to sleep.
My kinda woman has more sex swings than mood swings.
Ran into the girl who broke my heart. Totally worth the damage to my car.
I'm "used to get kicked off the internet when the house phone rang" years old.
We let anxiety drive so we could use our energy to worry about crashing.
It's pretty cool how vodka always has such 'great' ideas.
Everything you paid $50,000 to learn in college is now on the Internet for free.
Does anyone remember the "occupy wallstreet" movement? Weren't they supposed to have been a big deal and get something done??? Talk about fizzle out like a bad fart.
I Never understood why people watch porn together while having sex. If I have porn then what the hell do I need with another person?"
Just held the door for an Asian guy. He said "Sank you" so I punched him in the face. I can't believe he brought up Pearl Harbor like that!
@piersmorgan I'll give away all my weapons, if you axe Rachel Jeantel to read a letter that's written in cursive.... PLEASE
Fun Fact: Half of the current value of the US Stock Market was created between 1817 and 2009. The other half was created under the current Republican congress.
maybe because running a country is NOT like running a business !
Life is like a $h!t sandwich. The more bread you have, the less $h!t you have to eat.
I wish everyone would please stop confusing my issues.
Fun Fact: Half of the current value of the US Stock Market was created between 1817 and 2009. The other half was created under President Obama.
"Well, If I have a good lawyer",,, The answer to the question,,,, Can I bring a gun to a fist-fight?
I also have an awesome recipe for jambalaya,,,,,,, It's actually one of my newest "soup-er powers"..... Drops mic,,,,,, apologizes profusely
If you put root beer in a square cup, do you get beer?......................... (you smart people grinned didn't you.) 