santa AND presents AND christmas AND xmas AND holidays AND elfs Funny Status Messages

   Slightly used Christmas tree only one month old. Paid $60. Looking for $40. No low ballers. Serious inquiries only. Come on let's get this thing done.

   Christmas. It's been a long 2 1/2 months.

   I hate being sick at Christmas. My wife says I'm not sick, but I was just jacking it while looking at a picture of a fat nun pissing on a hot schools girl. How is that not sick.

   athiests are awful quite Xmas morning

   I saw Mommy kissing Santa Claus; then I saw her helping him empty his sack.

   Santa came down the chimney, at half past three. W

   As much as Santa came last night I bet he will sleep for a week

   My ornaments are starting to droop. Yeah, time to ask Santa for new underwear.

   Enough with the pro-Xmas vs con-Xmas: IT IS FESTIVUS!

   All I want for Christmas is lots of bubble wrap

   Thank You Santa for helping make Christianity less believable than it already was

   If you're atheist so don't celebrate Christmas

   Today is the official day for guys to start their Xmas shopping

   I'm an adult and I still believe in Santa clause, I figure why not? There's still adults who believe in Obama.

   Teach your child what's going on in the world by telling them Santa was killed in a drone strike in a no fly zone; or he's being held up in the vetting process.

   Why is it that a lot of the people who think everyone is too easily offended these days act like you just insulted their mother by saying "Happy Holidays" instead of "Merry Christmas"?

   ♪ ♩♩ ♬ On the 12th Day of Christmas my Facebook gave to me, 12 dudes I'm blocking, 11 friends just watching, 10 corny topics, 9 busted barbies, 8 friends complaining, 7 stalkers stalking, 6 party invites, Fiiiiiiiiiiiiive Drama Queeeensssss,

   From the Paris Climate Change Conference: Santa is required to put solar panels in the stockings of naughty kids.

   A Christmas tree isn't going to be the only thing lit this holiday season

   What you never hear if you live in Santa Clarita.."I'll be back in a few minutes"