santa AND presents AND christmas AND xmas AND holidays AND elfs Funny Status Messages

   Teach your child what's going on in the world by telling them Santa was killed in a drone strike in a no fly zone; or he's being held up in the vetting process.

   Why is it that a lot of the people who think everyone is too easily offended these days act like you just insulted their mother by saying "Happy Holidays" instead of "Merry Christmas"?

   ♪ ♩♩ ♬ On the 12th Day of Christmas my Facebook gave to me, 12 dudes I'm blocking, 11 friends just watching, 10 corny topics, 9 busted barbies, 8 friends complaining, 7 stalkers stalking, 6 party invites, Fiiiiiiiiiiiiive Drama Queeeensssss,

   From the Paris Climate Change Conference: Santa is required to put solar panels in the stockings of naughty kids.

   A Christmas tree isn't going to be the only thing lit this holiday season

   What you never hear if you live in Santa Clarita.."I'll be back in a few minutes"

   I would not even buy my worst enemy a selfie stick for christmas present. I am not that cold.

   Every Christmas I give my co-workers a card with a picture of my middle finger inside.

   My son just saw Willie Nelson on TV and called him Santa... Hmmm I guess we need to watch more Christmas movies.

   Don't look now, but your Secret Santa is watching you!

   One day, a little boy wrote to Santa Clause, "Please send me a little sister to play with." Santa Clause wrote him back, "Sure, send me your mom and wait about 9 months."

   If one of Santa's helpers takes a picture of himself with his cell phone, is it called an "elfie"?

   Digging through a box in the closet and I found a picture of me sitting on Santa's lap. Hard to believe that was almost 2 years ago.

   2016 New Year's resolution: Tell your wife/girlfriend (or both) that every time they give you a BJ, you are going to put a dollar in an envelope. At the end of the year, you will use that money to buy her 2016 Christmas gift. More money = Nicer gift.

   Sorry can't... Watching "How the Grinch Stole Christmas" and taking copious notes.

   *looks at calendar*.. *looks at stomach*. *looks at calendar*.. Guess I'm telling people I'm pregnant again this Christmas.

   you know your not much of a Christmas shopper anymore, when your still using some of the same wrapping paper you had 3 years ago . 🎁 🎁🎁 🎁

   In 2015, if you're dreaming of a white Christmas, you're a racist.

   ***LATEST SOCIAL MEDIA GAME~~~ Inbox me your Bank Account or Credit Card number (be sure to give me the expiration date and 3 digit security code) and I will post in my status which bill or Christmas gift I used it for. Let's play!!!

   Who are you to doubt God? And Santa Claus? And the Easter Bunny? And...