santa AND presents AND christmas AND xmas AND holidays AND elfs Funny Status Messages

   2016 New Year's resolution: Tell your wife/girlfriend (or both) that every time they give you a BJ, you are going to put a dollar in an envelope. At the end of the year, you will use that money to buy her 2016 Christmas gift. More money = Nicer gift.

   Sorry can't... Watching "How the Grinch Stole Christmas" and taking copious notes.

   *looks at calendar*.. *looks at stomach*. *looks at calendar*.. Guess I'm telling people I'm pregnant again this Christmas.

   you know your not much of a Christmas shopper anymore, when your still using some of the same wrapping paper you had 3 years ago . 🎁 🎁🎁 🎁

   In 2015, if you're dreaming of a white Christmas, you're a racist.

   ***LATEST SOCIAL MEDIA GAME~~~ Inbox me your Bank Account or Credit Card number (be sure to give me the expiration date and 3 digit security code) and I will post in my status which bill or Christmas gift I used it for. Let's play!!!

   Who are you to doubt God? And Santa Claus? And the Easter Bunny? And...

   Will World War III begin before or after Christmas? Because I don't want to buy presents for nothing.

   My Christmas shopping will be financed by my swear jar again this year.

   I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up - they have no holidays

   When you order your coffee at Starbucks tell them your name is "Merry Christmas"

   Pro tip: If you really want to freak people out wear a Santa Claus suit as your Halloween

   Got all my Christmas gifts bought early this year, hope everyone likes Halloween costumes-

   Last year I asked santa for the sexiest person ever and I woke up in a box

   Man, just think how crazy Gollum goes on the 5th day of Christmas.

   Retail Stores: "It's September 1st! Time to put out all the Christmas crap...."

   Things I use duct tape for, by percentage: Pranks: 35% Car repair: 35% Wrapping presents: 20% Medical emergencies: 10% Ducts: 0%

   I wonder if Brad Pitt gets sad on Christmas when one of his kids asks what's in the box

   Kanye West only accepted the role of Santa Claus after the director agreed to change the script so that the kids all asked him what he wanted for Christmas.

   Dear Santa, Don't bring me anything this year as I've got every thing I need. Tyrone, aged 7 from Baltimore