Mom or Mother Funny Status Messages

   ‎"I didn't choose the thug life, the thug life chose me." Mother Teresa

   My mother said, "You won't amount to anything because you procrastinate." I said, "Oh ya.....Just you wait."

   Somewhere right now in the hood, someone is yelling "Domino Mother F**ker!"

   An Amber Alert has been issued for a tall, African American 26 yr. old who goes by the name of LeBron James. He keeps disappearing for the 4th quarter of the NBA Final games. If seen, please call his mother, Gloria, or her boyfriend, Delonte.

   Dear Mother in Law , pls don't teach me how to handle my children. I'm living with one of yours and he sure needs a lot of improvement ;)

   Where would I be without my mother? Probably in the middle of traffic, without my jacket on, talking to some stranger.

   POLLEN: Mother Natures hangover.

   Marriage tip #392: Don't ever, ever start an argument with your wife with "Your f**kin' mother"......

   Was anyone else hoping that the final Oprah show would include wearing tracksuits, taking poison and waiting for the mother ship to appear?

   Some things should not be abbreviated like Save The Dates (STD) or Future Mother in Law (FML)

   That feeling when your ex reappears as a single mother with a child, and you immediately start doing the math.

   trading his mother-in-law for a stud service and willing to add cash

   still looking for his future mother-in-law with only one very nice and sexy daugther

   So apparently I'm getting judged on the weekend... like how I get judged by human beings everyday... including my mother.... and my mother is much more scary....

   My mother told me that when I was born I was so surprised that I didn't talk for a year an a half.

   Mother Nature can be cruel sometimes. If I ever meet her I'm gonna snatch her purse. Old B*tch

   okay mother nature, enough with the rain! I get the fact your sad, but you had to realize Joanie and Chachi werent gonna last forever.

   I hope all you moms out there had a great Mother's Day! (If you're not a mom but would like to be, message me for details)

   Alicia Silverstone named her son Bear Blue? I wonder if she would have liked it if her mother named her Racoon Red? WTF is wrong with these celebs........

   Dear Mother-in-law, "Don't teach me how to handle my children, I am living with one of yours and he needs a lot of improvement"