Mom or Mother Funny Status Messages

   Marriage tip #392: Don't ever, ever start an argument with your wife with "Your f**kin' mother"......

   Was anyone else hoping that the final Oprah show would include wearing tracksuits, taking poison and waiting for the mother ship to appear?

   Some things should not be abbreviated like Save The Dates (STD) or Future Mother in Law (FML)

   That feeling when your ex reappears as a single mother with a child, and you immediately start doing the math.

   trading his mother-in-law for a stud service and willing to add cash

   still looking for his future mother-in-law with only one very nice and sexy daugther

   So apparently I'm getting judged on the weekend... like how I get judged by human beings everyday... including my mother.... and my mother is much more scary....

   My mother told me that when I was born I was so surprised that I didn't talk for a year an a half.

   Mother Nature can be cruel sometimes. If I ever meet her I'm gonna snatch her purse. Old B*tch

   okay mother nature, enough with the rain! I get the fact your sad, but you had to realize Joanie and Chachi werent gonna last forever.

   I hope all you moms out there had a great Mother's Day! (If you're not a mom but would like to be, message me for details)

   Alicia Silverstone named her son Bear Blue? I wonder if she would have liked it if her mother named her Racoon Red? WTF is wrong with these celebs........

   Dear Mother-in-law, "Don't teach me how to handle my children, I am living with one of yours and he needs a lot of improvement"

   Shout out to all the moms who spent their whole Mother's Day thinking and worrying, "If this dummy ever asks for a paternity test, I can kiss the good life goodbye”

   ...and then the doctor slapped my little bottom and handed me to her. - How I Met My Mother

   My mother taught me about RECEIVING. “You are going to get it when you get home!”

   My mother taught me about JUSTICE. “One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you”.

   A man loves his sweetheart the most, his wife the best, but his mother the longest.

   Being a full-time mother is one of the highest salaried jobs… since the payment is pure love.

   If you have a mom or wife that is an awesome mother don't post it here....get ur lazy ass up and go tell her in person!!